Even from deep within the labyrinths of my minotaur, or at least yorkie guarded man cave, yours truly knows this is "breast cancer awareness" month. I not only get it, but my heart reaches out to those that have been, or ever will be afflicted by this terrible disease.
Not that long ago, someone VERY close to me was stricken. It wasn't a big deal to start with. Just a small lump. But then it quickly got worse. After a couple of very messy surgeries, which in her mind robbed her of a great deal of her "womanhood", and prolonged post-op procedures that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy -- she was declared cancer-free.
But she wasn't. It came back, quickly spread, and a scant few months later, she was dead. I miss her to this day -- and always will. So yeah, I get it.
It is in her memory that I write the following -- because she was even more irreverent than I, and a hard-core (especially football) sports fan to boot. If there was ever a no-nonsense, cut through the crap and tell it like it is person -- it was her. Therefore, I think she would approve. Onward.
Once again, the NFL is "pinking" it up. Pink shoes, pink wristbands, and referees throwing pink penalty flags. Even the computer generated "first down" lines on the field are pink. During breast cancer awareness month, the NFL goes pink in a big way.
And I'm sorry, but this is just wrong. These are grown men whose jobs are to beat each other's brains out on the gridiron. Since Mr. T and Rambo rode off into the sunset of all-around superstud he-man status -- the NFL is about as macho as it gets. You never would have seen THOSE guys wearing pink.
At that, all the pink in the NFL is nothing more than a subconscious reminder for everyday people to donate to various research facilities, so they can continue their quest to finally discover a cure for this terrible disease.
And that's great -- but there's a better way.
The NFL players don't HAVE to wear all these pink things. They choose to do so. So why not make them put their money where their hipness is?
Institute a new fine system. All benefits will be donated to breast cancer research labs.
If a receiver drops a catchable pass -- bang, $5000 fine.
A lineman misses a block and his quarterback gets sacked? Let's say 2 grand.
All fumbles are non-negotiable. They come with a price tag of $10,000.
Every interception a QB throws will cost him 20K.
And oh my, the possibilities when it comes to penalties. Make it a thousand bucks a yard.
A false start or an offside flag? 5 thousand.
Offensive holding? Make it 10. Defensive holding? It's only 5 yards, which would result in a 5K fine, but the offender just gave the other team an automatic first down. Like in construction zones, the fines are doubled if you commit a careless infraction. Make it 10.
Grabbing a facemask, a horsecollar tackle, unnecessary roughness, or unsportsmanlike conduct? 15 yards = $15,000.
Interference calls? The refs mark it off at the spot of the foul, regardless of the yardage. Why not do the same to the culprit with a fine? If the pass was only 7 yards, then $7000 will do. If it was a 60-yard bomb, then the price goes way up accordingly.
Instituting this sort of fine system to benefit the breast cancer folks would accomplish one of two things -- and both of them are good.
If the players clean up their acts and play the game right -- who would argue that the game itself wouldn't be vastly improved?
But if they don't, and keep committing so many stupid penalties -- with the fine system listed above -- the breast cancer researchers would be receiving some major donations they never had before. Thirty two teams in the NFL that play for 5 months? Add up all the fines that would be incurred over that period of time at a thousand bucks a yard, and the breast cancer people would have money coming out of their ears. Talk about a cash cow.
But either way -- get rid of the pink.
It's the NFL, not a pajama party. Pink is just wrong for football players.
Here's hoping you approve S, wherever you are.
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