The Detroit Pistons. Who's on first?

OK, the team itself is terrible by NBA standards. We all know that. But trying to make sense of the Detroit Pistons' hierarchy is like Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame trying to logically explain Abbott and Costello's classic "who's on first, what's on second" etc. routine. May he live long and prosper indeed, but even a brainy Vulcan like Spock would likely be dumbfounded attempting to rationalize the current state of the Pistons' management structure. In no particular order, let's look at a few things.

Owner and head honcho Tom Gores has been in charge for 3 years. Though he came (back) to town professing he would do whatever it takes to make the Pistons a winner -- they have remained dreadful for those same 3 long years, and possibly even become worse.

Though a former two-time former champion himself as a player, who also went on to rebuild the Pistons into championship form years later while he was the Prez and GM, it had become obvious Joe Dumars had to go. Hall of Famer, pillar of the community, and all-around nice guy notwithstanding, he wasn't getting it done anymore. The team had become a train wreck under his watch. He gone.

The Pistons needed a new head coach, new GM, and new Prez. Basically, the whole front office. Gores had to do something. Yes, Gores made his billions in an outfit called Platinum Equity, which basically buys assets on the cheap, fixes them up a tad, then either liquidates them or flips them for a big profit. Sort of like Mitt Romney, without being dumb enough to jump into the political arena, let alone running for President against a popular incumbent at the time.

But it wasn't just Gores. He had/has a couple of his top Platinum Equity execs/henchmen that were quietly pulling strings behind the scenes in how to restructure the Pistons.

In their infinite basketball wisdom, Phil Norment and Bob Wentworth, along with Gores likely giving the godfather nod, decided to hire Stan Van Gundy as both president of basketball operations and head coach. Thirty five million bucks for a five year deal. Pretty easy math to figure out on an annual basis.

And that was the beginning of how even Mr. Spock wound up stumped. As the president overseeing all basketball operations, would Van Gundy have to fire himself as head coach if the team continued its losing ways for a few more years?

Even that wasn't strange enough. Van Gundy decided to hire a guy named Jeff Bower as the team's new general manager. Van Gundy says Bower will be running the show.

But wait a minute. As a coach, Van Gundy has to report to Bower. But as a GM, Bower has to report to the Prez -- which is Van Gundy. Would Bower have to get president Van Gundy's approval to fire Van Gundy the head coach if the Pistons don't make the playoffs in the next couple years?

And how would Norment and Wentworth figure into all this? As top lieutenants within the organization, would they have to be consulted? Or would all such decisions ultimately rest with Don Gorleone?

Not only do the Pistons appear at least several years removed from remotely being contenders on the court, now their management hierarchy has seemingly become a hybrid of Catch 22 and the above mentioned Bud and Lou routine. In the end, there's no figuring it out or making rational sense of it. It just is what it is. Perhaps we should appreciate the humor, even if unintended, of how the Pistons are currently structured.

But you know what? Besides being smart, guys like Tom Gores have to be lucky sometimes too. And something totally beyond his imagination and/or control just happened to Gores and other NBA owners. The whole sordid Donald Sterling meltdown with the Los Angeles Clippers has definitely played to their financial advantage.

Reports say the Clippers will shortly be sold for $2 billion to Steve Ballmer, former CEO of Microsoft. This is more than 3 times the price most considered that franchise to be worth.

Three years ago, Tom Gores bought the Pistons for about $325 million, considered a steal at the time. But late owner Bill Davidson's widow Karen apparently just wanted to cash out, and $325 M will tide most folks over rather nicely for a lifetime or three. Notice dear Karen has since disappeared from the radar. Imagine that.

Nevertheless, if the value of the Clippers just more than tripled, then so likely did the value of every other NBA franchise. If the house next door sells for more than three times what you thought it was worth, then your property value just went up too -- big time.

Tom Gores says he remains committed to turning the Pistons back into a winner. They're not for sale. But if the value of the Pistons just appreciated like that of the Clippers, then that franchise is now worth at least a billion bucks. To boot, unlike the Clippers, who continue to be renters, Gores and the Pistons have their own top-notch venue/arena to play in.

So what would happen if some other multi-billionaire like Ballmer came along and offered Gores a billion plus bucks for the Pistons? Would the former Michigander decline the offer, and stay the course in his committment to returning the Pistons to greatness?

Or would the apparent godfather's business instincts rule the day and find it an offer he couldn't refuse?

Beats me, but right now, from top to bottom, the Pistons appear to be moving more towards slapstick comedy than being considered serious contenders....