USA soccer and munchies

One Emily Kaplan recented penned a very imteresting article for Sports Illustrated. In it, she expounded on the importance of the dietary regimen of the US national team as they head to Brazil to compete for the World Cup.

Certainly endurance is paramount for world class soccer players running up and down the field for a few hours. It's almost like running a marathon kicking a ball down the road, with a few flops thrown in for good measure along the way.

As they say, "what you put into your body translates into what you get out of it". In other words, pounding down double bacon cheeseburgers, super-sizing on the fries, and a meat-eaters pizza ala mode every other day probably aren't the optimum scenario to enhance a soccer player's stamina. All the above, served over heaping bowls of rice might be beneficial to a sumo wrestler -- but not so good for a futboller. Plus, a lot more toilet paper and flushes become involved, and have you seen the price of Charmin and checked out the water rates lately? Brutal, I tell ya.

Nevertheless, enter one Danielle LaFata to the rescue. She is the nutritionist advising the US men's national team on what they should eat. Ms. L says salad bars stocked with creamy dressings, fruit gummies, pretzels, and Twizzlers are OK, but not optimal for peak performance. So she's come up with her own concoctions. Did you know dried cherries help you sleep better, battle jet lag, and reduce muscle inflammation and soreness? Me neither. I'm gonna pop a handful of those rascals next time I get a leg cramp running through an airport to catch a red-eye flight crossing a few time zones. Dried cherries don't sound very appetizing, though.

But that's just for starters, according to LaFata. She's whipped up custom shakes with specific amounts of protein and carbohydrates tailored to each individual athlete's needs, depending on when he works out and his body mass. Yum, nothing like a linguini flavored milk shake to get a soccer player fired up.

Plus her, and team chef Bryson Billapando (yes, a cook isn't good enough -- the futbollers must have a chef -- and Boyardee didn't make the cut) have made sure the hotels and training facilities where the players will be staying can drop 50-60 avocados on them every day. Sounds delicious.

However well intentioned, there could be a couple drawbacks to this scenario.

First, if I'm a soccer playing busting my butt running up and down the field representing my country in a foreign land, I'm only going to tolerate a steady diet of cherry skins, pasta shakes, and guacamole for so long, before I start thinking about skipping curfew to go have some real food. Like a burger, pizza, burrito, KFC, whatever. A man can only be pushed so far.

And most importantly, it likely doesn't matter what LaFata serves them up. The US team has little or no chance to win the World Cup. So many other international teams are vastly superior, and it will show as the tournament goes on. The US is good at a lot of sports, but men's soccer isn't one of them.

Lastly, consider the name itself. La-Fat-a. No pic of her was included in the SI article, but it leaves one to wonder.....

Is she scarfing up all the good food while the team itself withers away from slow starvation?

I dunno. Food for thought, though....