Monday, August 17, 2015

A politically incorrect rant

I hate political correctess. It will be the undoing of this country. Everybody's too afraid to say the obvious lest someone -- gasp -- be offended. There are no more short or bald people. They are altitudinally or follicly challenged. Miraculously, politicians aside, stupidity seems to have disappeared as well. Everybody has a talent. It's society's fault if it's never discovered. One way or the other, everybody's a hero these days. So sayeth the politically correcters. Well, yours truly says hogwash. For every winner, there's a loser. And while the Rebecca of Sunnybook farm legions are merrily tip-toeing through the tulips, someone has to tell it like it is. Onwards.

The Philadelphia Phillies stink. Period.

On a recent national baseball broadcast, an announcer mentioned former Detroit Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski's resignation. Wrong.

DD didn't resign. He was axed, canned, booted, terminated, fired, whatever. And in the most classless way possible. His successor and former assistant, one Al Avila, got a call from the owning Ilitch family informing him he had just been promoted. Dombrowki wouldn't find out until 3 days later that he had been the proverbial "dead man walking". Yes, the Ilitch family was gutless and low class in the way they handled the situation, but so was Avila.

Hey, Al and Dave had been friends and coworkers for many years. If I'm Avila, after I get the call from ownership, I immediately let my friend know what's up. He could have said something like, "Dave. Al here. I'm not supposed to tell you this and it will likely cost me my job if it gets out, but I felt you had a right to know that the boss man has offered me your position and I've accepted it. Basically, you've been fired. Why he didn't tell you that first -- I have no idea. But it just went down. Here's hoping we can still be friends. As you of all people know, it's a business and a man has to do what a man has to do". The Detroit media down-played it of course, but the lack of front office class in the organization was glaring.

Tiger Woods once again failed to make the cut in his latest outing (the PGA tourney won by Jason Day). Woods is no longer even in the top 250 golfers. His fall from former greatness has been breathtaking in the last few years. Basically, he's no more than a duffer amongst top touring professionals these days.

So here's a question. How bad does Eldrick have to get before the PGA sends him down to the minor leagues (Nationwide Tour) to reprove himself? If he can't be competitive there, perhaps Q-school would be in order -- something Woods never had to do in the first place. He's a former multi-champion, you say? So are Arnold Palmer, Gary Player, and Jack Nicklaus. If Woods wants to tee it up as a "ceremonial" golfer in big tournaments, fine. But let's not pretend he has a prayer of winning anything. The young guns consider Woods little more than cannon fodder that brings a few gullible die-hard fans to the course. How bad is he? See the Phillies above.

Tales of the absurd/lost souls department. Enter Justin Verlander and Miguel Cabrera of the above-mentioned Tigers. In their not-so-infinite wisdom under Dombrowski's "leadership", the Tigers signed Verlander and Cabrera to ludicrous long-term contracts. Did you know Verlander makes $1,000,000 every time he takes the mound? It is now the middle of August and the Fastball Flakes man has posted a grand total of one win this season. But the Tigers are stuck paying him $28,000,000 a year until 2020. Though he shows flashes of brilliance here and there, he's basically become a grossly overpaid bum.

Few would doubt Cabrera is amongst the best hitters in the game. After all, he's not only been the AL MVP, but recently won the Triple Crown (batting average, homers, and RBIs). The first player to do it since Carl Yastrzemski of the Bosox way back in 1967. Very impressive stuff. What's equally impressive/insane is Cabrera's contract. Did you know he makes roughly $50,000 every time he comes up to bat? And that's in a healthy year when he's playing every game. This year he missed a couple months. Make that $60,000. The Tigers have Cabrera locked up until 2022 and could wind up paying well over $300,000,000 for his services. Yes, Miggy can certainly hit, but he's an average fielder at best, and is slow on the basepathes. You've heard of 5 tool players? Cabrera has two. Hitting for average and power.

Certainly both Verlander and Cabrera are financially set for life, courtesy of the guaranteed contracts D-ski and the Tigers signed them to.

But what would both likely want the most in baseball? To be a World Series champion, of course. And there's the rub.

Though they've come close (runner-ups), neither has ever been, and likely never will be given the Tigers current trend. They are much closer to total re-build mode than being serious contenders. The recent losses of Max Scherzer, David Price, and Yoenis Cespides are ample evidence the Tigers have given up on their "win-now" philosophy. With the rise of other teams, notably the KC Royals, it could be a while before the Tigers can seriously contend again.

So if I'm JV or MC, I might want to sit down with my agent for a serious talk. They could tell their mouthpieces -- hey, I'm good in the money department, but chances are I'll never get back to a World Series, much less win it, with this club. So check with Al and the pizza guy to see if they're open to me going elsewhere. They could get a a bunch of "prospects", and probably save a bunch of money to boot. A win-win, sort of. And the sooner the better. I'm not getting any younger and my trade value will likely never be higher. Besides, Comerica Park is a nice stadium and all, but Detroit pretty well sucks as a place to live in 7 months a year. Get me outta here to a contender in a nice town. Verlander's from Virginia and Cabrera's a Venezuelan. Down deep, what do they care about Detroit anyway?

You've probably seen the commerical for that insurance company. Some "lady" is telling her male company about how she gets a check every 6 months for not having filed a claim. Eerily, in Exorcist fashion, she even speaks with a man's voice occasionally. Then comes the magical moment. The heroine says, "I'm a woman and....".

Stop right there. If I'm the guy sitting across from her, I take a couple seconds to gaze at her plywood chest, then look back up into her eyes and say, "Are you sure? And please tell me your name isn't Caitlyn". Now THAT'S the kind of TV spots that would be attention grabbers.

Alas, the Detroit Lion koolaid remains as addictive as ever to their ever-present suckers, both in the media and the hard-core fan base. This will be the year, they say. New coach Jim Caldwell has them headed in the right direction. They're bursting at the seams with talent all over the field. Super Bowl, here we come.

I stand corrected. It's not just the politicians. Stupidity continues to run rampant in Motown as well. You'd think they'd learn. No, this is not the year. And the next one and the next one after that won't be either. The Lions are an average team at best. All the rest is just hype to sell to their ever-gullible masses of lemmings. It's amazing how many times they fall for the same schtick. Over and over and over again. Fools. But hey, it's their money. They can blow it however they wish. Can I say "retards" and/or "mental cripples", or are those words not allowed anymore either?

I dunno. But for now, this "spaz" blogger has run on long enough. Can I get in trouble for being politically incorrect against myself?

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