Monday, August 3, 2015

The amazing Ronda Rousey

Like the old commercials featuring Mother Nature, apparently it's not nice to fool with Ronda Rousey either. Especially if one is planning on getting into the Octagon to fight her. In fact, it's a downright bad, repeat, BAD idea that can wind up having very painful consequences.

Brazilian Bethe Correia just found that out the hard way. Correia had taunted Rousey prior to their fight -- basically talking a lot of trash. After all, Correia was undefeated going in and the fight would be held in Rio De Janeiro, the big-time party town in her home country. The crowd would be solidly behind her as she dispatched the Californian and claimed the women's bantamweight title. Or so she thought.

But once the fight actually started, things went horribly wrong for Correia -- in a hurry. After an initial engagement, the Brazilian was flipped over backwards, and upon rising to her feet again was pummeled with punches to the head. A mere 34 seconds after the opening bell, Correia had been knocked out.

It likely wouldn't have made a difference, because Ronda Rousey can fairly be regarded as one BAB. The first two words are Bad Ass. Fill in the third with a word of your own choosing. Belle, beauty, boxer, bombshell? Perhaps something else?

Pound for pound, Rousey is a weapon of mass destruction in a smallish package. Yes, at 135 pounds, she would be considered obese by stick-girl fashion model standards, but when's the last time you saw one of them get into the Octagon?

Idle thought: Perhaps UFC honcho Dana White should consider a fashion model cage match tournament. How interesting would THAT be? Never happen, you say? Pshaw. Put up enough bucks and those bimbos will do anything. Who's kidding who?

Nonetheless, Correia fanning the flames prior to the match with Rousey was foolish. That's like throwing bloody meat into shark-infested waters before one hops overboard to scuba dive. It was already a dangerous venture to start with. Getting the wild critters worked up before jumping in with them is not a good plan of action.

Days earlier, upon hearing of Correia's confidence/arrogance/boasts/prediction, Rousey was not happy. Though she's from California via North Dakota, Rousey reminded yours truly of a good old fashioned By God West Virginny girl in her response. Ronda said she was going to go down to Correia's home country, and Bethe could have all the fans, friends, family she wanted in attendance at the arena. But it wouldn't make any difference. She was going to teach this girl a little discipline -- woodshed style, in front of them all.

And so she did. Quickly. As in knocking her into next week in 34 seconds. Know who lost out even more? The suckers that were dumb enough to pay 60 bucks to watch it on pay-per-view, or roughly 2 bucks per second. Why bother shelling out three Jacksons when one can watch the video the following day online for free? Know who's even dumber yet? The PPV folks plan to air a replay of the match in the future even though everybody knows how it turned out. And there will be morons that actually pay to see it.

As mentioned above, Ronda Rousey is quite the BAB. But there will be those that dare to step forward and challenge her. It's the nature of the game. Everybody wants a shot at glory, no matter the risk and unlikelihood of it happening. Getting into the ring with Mike Tyson during his hungry days back in the 80s was not a good idea. But they came, because they always do. Like Rousey's opponents, most of them didn't last long either.

In fact, Rousey has had 12 fights and only one opponent has made it out of the first round. Before Correia in 34 seconds, she won against the previous opponent in only 14 seconds. A record. The one before that lasted a mere 16 seconds. Once the bell goes ding, Ronda Rousey doesn't fool around. Things get serious, and painful, in a hurry for whoever else is in the Octagon with her.

So that leaves the question --- who will step up next to challenge RR and how much money can Dana White and the UFC manage to make off it?

Want the fight of the century? In the blue corner we have the undefeated CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, rocking Ronda Rousey. In the red corner, we have the team of Hillary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice, Nancy Pelosi, Oprah Winfrey, and Judge Judy. They sport a formidable, if somewhat dubious, collective record as well. As challengers they will be allowed to participate simultaneously against the champion. Five on one.

Pay per view? Are you kidding? Such a match would dwarf whatever Mayweather/Pacquiao raked in. Millions would gladly pony up big bucks to see such a spectacle.

Five on one hardly seems fair, though. Too easy for Ronda. Maybe throwing a Kardashian or two in the red corner to help out the challengers would even things up a bit more.

And what great fun it would be seeing that collective group of holier-than-thou personified in the Octagon tangling with Ronda Rousey.

I dare say they all could use a healthy dose of discipline themselves.

Bring on the rapid-fire slugfest and/or armbars and witness the tap-outs. Let the Octagon be littered with the few, the proud, the arrogant, the uppety schmucks that think they're smarter than everybody else.

Tell me America wouldn't rise up and cheer en masse to finally see them on their collective backsides writhing in pain, and I'll tell you we both spent the same amount of money to see it on PPV. Because you know you'd buy into that, regardless of the price.

But for now, all hail Ronda Rousey. Did I mention she's a BAB?

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