The outrageous. Really?

The cops just arrested a parrot for using foul language. Is that what it's come to these days? Throwing birds in people jail? Really? Will the parrot need to hire a lawyer or can he be his own mouthpiece? This is outrageous.

The former Subway spokeman is in big trouble. It seems he just pleaded guilty to having sex with minors and being in possession of child pornography. Sure, eating the same food every day, year after year, is enough to make anybody a little nuts, even if they're raking in million of bucks. But messing with little girls? Really? I mean, what's next? Flo, the dopey insurance girl, also making bazillions in TV commercial money, becoming a suicide bomber? That would definitely be progressive, but still.... Really?

The Detroit Tigers had absolutely no business defeating the Chicago Cubs once, let alone twice. While Detroit in floundering around in the AL Central division 15 games out of first place, new manager Joe Madden has the Cubbies in playoff contention in the brutal NL Central. With the game being played at Wrigley Field, there was no designated hitter. The pitchers had to bat. So what happened? One of the "prospects" the Tigers got for selling off David Price came up to bat against ace hurler Jon Lester, a lefty. The Tiger pitcher Norris, a left-handed batter, should have had zero chance of even hitting the ball. Instead he took a Ruthian cut and hit a homer to dead-center field with a man on base. In his very first major league at-bat. Really?

In the ongoing Brady v Goodell affair, Manhattan federal judge Richard Berman has always maintained he wanted the complainants to reach a settlement between themselves. Well, guess what? It ain't gonna happen. If they could have done that over the last 6 months, they wouldn't have needed a judge to finally make a call. Neither side has budged one inch. Roger wants his 4 game suspension to stand and Tom maintains he did nothing wrong and will accept no punishment. Something's gotta give. So after hearing the usual dreaded "oral arguments" by the mouthpieces for both sides not once -- but twice -- Hizzoner Berman has decreed from on high that both Brady and Goodell will have to appear in his courtroom for a third go-around. This will happen on the cusp of the NFL regular season starting. Hey Berman, does this mean you might finally be prepared to do your job and make a ruling? Really?

And it likely doesn't matter anyway. Whichever side loses will likely appeal to a higher court. This could drag on forever, but there's no excuse for the entry-level judge to keep kicking the can down the road. He's heard all the testimony and evidence, or lack thereof. So what's the hold up? Make a call, dammit. The Patriots and their opponents -- (plus let's not forget the bookies) need to know whether or not Brady will be playing the first few games or not. It makes a big difference in game planning and huge money could be at stake. Know what's really dumb? Even CEOs can be fired. Most politicians can either be recalled or impeached, at least theoretically. But once appointed, a federal judgeship is for life, despite how incompetent and bumbling they may turn out to be. Really? How stupid is that?

But every once in a while, something farcical has a way of coming together to actually make sense. In a pro-am format, Tiger Woods had LA Clipper Chris Paul as a playing partner. Given neither can seem to make it out of the second round in recent times when facing real competition, it only seemed appropriate.

Really.