Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Kobe, Tiger, and Morganna

It seems the LA Lakers find themselves in a quandary. Yes, they're terrible, but they have to figure out what to do with Kobe Bryant's jersey number after this, mercifully his last season.

[BTW, he's stinking it up too. Can't shoot, can't rebound, can't defend, and can barely run. That's when he's even healthy enough to play -- which isn't very often. For this the Lakers are paying him the ridiculous sum of $24 Million dollars.]

Thing is, during his career with the Lakers, Kobe Bean Bryant wore two different numbers. #8 for the first ten years, then mysteriously switched to #24 for the last ten. The buzz has already started in LA-LA land as to which, or perhaps both numbers should be retired.

This whole scenario is really dumb. If the Lakers can't decide, ask Kobe to pick one, but he's not getting both.

Idle thought: If Bryant had decided to change his number every year during his twenty for the Lakers (and they likely would have went along with it), would the Lakers now be considering retiring them all? How stupid would that be?

But don't put anything past the Lakers when it comes to pomp, hype, self-promotion, and honoring one of their all-time "greats". They might well retire both numbers. Kobe would be happy. The TV talking heads would yap about it for years.

Hey, let's get real. Once upon a time Bryant was a very good player. He scored a lot of points because he took a bazillion shots. He also has several NBA championships on his resume. Of course, like all other "great" players, Bryant was fortunate to be on teams that afforded him a formidable supporting cast. One guy can't get it done. (See Lebron in his early Cleveland years). And when it came to promoting himself -- few ever did it better than Kobe Bean.

Yet if one player getting two numbers forever retired is what sports has evolved into, consider a couple other possibilities.

Perhaps when Eldrick Tont (Tiger) Woods is flailing away on the Senior Tour trying to make a cut, the PGA could retire his driver and pitching wedge from the "good old days". Once formidable weapons themselves, of late nobody knows where Tiger's drives are going to go, and he wields the wedge around the greens with the same delicate touch as, say, a lumberjack trying to chop down an oak tree with a dull axe. Whack, whack, whack. None are very pretty sights in this day and age.

No doubt both Tiger and Kobe will be enshrined in the Halls of Fame of their respective sports.

But if we're talking about retiring a pair of numbers for one individual, another puts these boys to shame.

That would be one Morganna Roberts. She was the "Kissing Bandit", especially at major league baseball games. Ironically enough, her first "victim" was one Pete Rose, whose Hall of Fame credentials have been the subject of great debate for the last couple decades.

Those that remember Morganna likely didn't notice her kissing much. She had another physical attribute that set her far apart from your average female fan running onto the field. To say she was top heavy would be an understatement. In her "prime" Morganna's vitals were 60-23-39. That was a whole lot of bazoom power coming at the unexpecting "victim". They likely didn't even remember what she looked like. Good thing they were wearing cups, or that could have become embarrassing.

The point is -- if one sports figure like Kobe is going to have a "pair" of numbers honored for all eternity, then Morganna's double J cup bra should be hoisted up into the rafters and/or given a bronze plaque in Cooperstown as well.

Basketball and baseball players come and go, but Morganna was a one, excuse, make that two of a kind indeed......

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