Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The yuk-worthy Detroit Pistons

True, the Pistons might just make the playoffs this year in the otherwise woefully weak Eastern Conference. If so, they'd get bounced early because they aren't very good in the whole scheme of things. Championship contenders? Not a chance.

But they're good for one thing. Laughs. In last night's home game against the high flying San Antonio Spurs, no sane person would have expected them to win. They didn't.

On to the yuk-worthy moments.

See Stanley Johnson wearing Ben Wallace's old #3 uniform. See Stanley trying to sport the same fro that Big Ben was once famous for. Earth to Stanley. You are to Ben Wallace what Gomer Pyle would have been to Rambo. Shazam!!

See a "problem" with one of the nets at halftime. See a Pistons staff member climb up a ladder to replace it. See this process drag on, and on, and on. Halftime has come and gone and this clown still hasn't completed such a simple task. This is not your proverbial brain surgery. You cut the old net down and loop the new one in the twelve rings around the rim. A semi-trained circus chimpanzee could probably do it in under five minutes.

In the meantime, both teams are back on the floor waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

See Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich take individual players aside during the interim and counsel them on game strategy. See Pistons head coach (and President) Stan Van Gundy walk up and down the sidelines flailing his arms while ranting and raving to no one in particular.

In the meanwhile see Pistons announcer George (blah-blah) Blaha rambling on with worthless sound bytes to fill air time.

Finally, mercifully, the new net has been installed. See sidekick announcer Greg Kelser make an appropriate statement. "I've seen shattered backboards replaced in less time than it took to replace that net". Touche, and right on, GK.

But wait. That just won't do. If one net has been replaced, the one at the opposite end of the court must be replaced as well. The chimp, sorry, staffer goes about repeating his task. And we/they wait, and wait, and wait some more.

One would think that a multi-billion dollar enterprise like the NBA would have such a simple thing as basketball nets not be an issue. One would be wrong. Evidently, they (or at least the Pistons) think brand new ones act a bit differently than a net that has been used for a single half of basketball. This is true if one buys a five dollar net from their local sports store and hangs it on their garage hoop. It takes a while to break it in. But there's no excuse for the NBA not to have ready to go nets that will last an entire game. Turned out, neither new net was an issue. Balls that swished -- swished. So what was the problem in the first place? Only a "Detroit" team could come up with such tomfoolery. And the Detroit Pistons don't even play in Detroit. Haven't for over 40 years.

A lot of things about the Pistons are yuk-worthy. Besides the mini-Ben wannabe, they have a Dinwiddie and even a Pope on their roster. If that's not laughable enough, consider they also have Reggie Jackson. The Mr. October tag doesn't much apply, given the NBA season doesn't even start until October is almost gone. But this Reg swings for the fences and strikes out a lot too.

But just when you think the laughs are dying down, enter one Andre Drummond. He's the Pistons "big man". A guy to build the franchise around. Andre scores a lot of points, grabs a bunch of rebounds, and does a fairly good job of protecting the rim on the defensive end. Let's give him a bazillion dollar long term contract. So sayeth the Piston faithful.

Well OK, and right up until we saw him step up to the free throw line for some "charity" shots. There goes the first one. Oops, wide left. Air ball. The second is on it's way and oops, a brick. A few minutes later the good Mr. Drummond was at the foul line again. It's up and -- well -- the basketball barely knicked the outside of the rim this time. But he's getting closer.

Bottom line? When it comes to free throw shooting, Andre Drummond makes Shaq look like Rick Berry. It's pitiful. Also hilarious.

The Detroit Pistons may or may not be a lot of things these days, but they're certainly entertaining.

That is -- if one is a big fan of comedy.

All things considered, top to bottom these guys are a regular knee-slapping riot.....

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