Steers and queers

Yep, I'm referring to the immortal line spoken by Lous Gossett Jr. in "An Officer and A Gentleman".  If you saw the movie, you remember that. "The only thing that comes out of (fill in the blank) are steers and queers, and I don't see no horns on you, boy".

It's a shame Lou isn't available to analyze college football these days, because it appears that sort of insight might be helpful.

How else to explain ----

While the other major football programs, especially those ranked in the Top 20 in the country, are deep in their conference schedules, and beating each other's brains out -- Sweet Home Alabama played Georgia Southern. GEORGIA SOUTHERN?  Is this supposed to be some sort of punch line from that ever-loveable mercenary, Nick Saban?

Googling Georgia Southern reveals they're located in Statesboro, a town in southeast Georgia, and call their team the Eagles. However, breaking out my trusty atlas, I couldn't even FIND Statesboro. Looking a little deeper, I discovered at least the Allman Brothers once had a tune called Statesboro Blues. It was an instrumental. Evidently, they couldn't think of anything to say about it either. But at least they were there -- maybe -- if it even exists.

Yours truly thinks the only good thing that comes out of southern Georgia is vidalia onions and Sweet Georgia Brown -- and I didn't notice the Harlem Globetrotters hyping this game. Don't remember any horns either -- unless you count the CBers yapping away -- good buddy.

After getting beat in their own backyard by LSU, Bama watches Stanford go down out west in a tough conference game, Boise St. lose (like they were ever going to be given a shot anyway - even if undefeated), Okla St. take it on the chin at Kan St., and guess what -- the mighty Crimson Tide gets to play Georgia Southern -- at home -- no less.  Perhaps somebody should remind the good folks in Tuscaloosa that patsies are supposed to be scheduled at the BEGINNING of the season --  not when it comes crunch time.

Perhaps only Bama could get away with that, and not be called out on it. Please don't say it was already on the schedule, because that won't hold water. The schedules might be set a year or two in advance, but when's the last time Alabama WASN'T in the Top 10, jostling for position in the polls? They knew what they were doing -- but it doesn't make it right.

In the end, it's looking more and more like there will be a rematch pitting LSU against Bama for the title. Yep, the same 2 teams that couldn't even score a touchdown between them in the first game. If you're into defensive dominance, a baseball game that drags out for 11 or 12 innings and winds up 1-0, or maybe watching a few hours of soccer praying for a goal -- any goal -- that would be the game for you. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer seeing the whole variety of talent. Running backs breaking off big gains, QBs making deep strikes down the field to receivers making spectacular catches for serious yardage, and -- gasp -- a few touchdowns actually scored. Bring on a few QB sacks, lots of hard hits, perhaps a goal line stand, a couple fumbles, an interception here and there, maybe a punt or kickoff returned for a touchdown, trick plays, and I don't care who wins. At least it will have been entertaining. This is precisely what we will NOT get from the above mentioned rematch. Those teams are like Apollo Creed and Rocky slugging it out with nerf gloves. Not exactly exciting stuff.

Thing is, everybody keeps hammering away at us saying how vastly superior the teams in the SEC are to everyone else. Maybe they are, and maybe they aren't. But if everybody you know keeps telling you over and over and over again your name is Gertrude, eventually you might start to believe it. Not sure, but I think that's called propaganda, or, is this case, hype.

Somewhere, I suspect the mercenary is licking his chops and smiling. All the way to the bank.
For the record, vidalia onions are the best, and I've been to a lot of sports stuff, but the Globetrotters are truly in a class of their own, when it comes to blending unbelievable skill with entertainment.

Never had the pleasure of meeting Georgia Brown, though. Maybe she could straighten out this whole college football mess. Lord knows, we mere mortals can't seem to get it done.