A time to panic

Well, stick my tongue in a lamp socket and call me Thomas Edison. I was shocked -- SHOCKED -- I tell ya.

The announcers said the crowd on the scene was absolutely stunned, thunderstruck, bewildered, and at a loss for words. Our nation would be outraged. Grab the family and the pets and huddle in a corner of the basement, because mass hysteria is surely soon to come. Ground all air traffic, go to red alert, Defcon 1, and warm up the warheads.

So what could possibly raise that level of alarm? Is an army of Mike Tyson clones on the march to eat our children? Did William Clay Ford sell the Detroit Lions to Matt Millen? Have Howard Stern and Glenn Beck just announced they've consummated a "civil union"?

Oh no. According to the announcers, it's way worse than all that. How's your bottled water supply?

It seems Western Kentucky actually had the audacity to score a touchdown on #1 LSU. Yep, the same LSU that waltzed into Alabama and beat them last week. The very same Tigers that haven't allowed a touchdown in the first quarter for the last 13 games. Got tuna fish?

Evidently, the Hilltoppers from Bowling Green didn't get the memo. This... is...not...supposed...to...happen. Surely, it must be some sort of crime against humanity. The talking heads of this country simply won't tolerate such behavior. Infidels. When they're brought to justice, off with their heads. Mac and cheese?  Campbell's soup?

The way people overreact sometimes is just unbelievable. Only a FOOL would get caught up in such nonsense.

By the way -- final score -- LSU 42  WKU 9.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take the plastic sheeting off my house.