Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A parallel universe and Serena Williams

It seems like everything's backwards. Michigan State has beat Michigan 4 times in a row in football, and UM has knocked off MSU 3 straight in basketball. not... supposed... to...happen.

With a trip to the Super Bowl on the line in a matchup of his Baltimore Ravens against the New England Patriots, All-Pro safety Ed Reed is dissing his OWN quarterback. What kind of place IS this? And trust me, somewhere Tom Brady, the consummate pro, is privately chuckling.

The Detroit Lions are edging toward being title contenders, while the Pistons are edging toward being punch lines on late night talk shows. What the hell is going on around here?

Tennis' Australian Open is underway. While it's wintertime in the US, it's summertime Down Under. Even though it's backwards, I suspect it's always been that way. It's kind of like rain. If one area if suffering a draught, then someplace else on the planet is getting a whole lot of moisture, because the oceans evaporate up into the atmosphere, the wind blows it around, and the water has to eventually drop somewhere, but I digress.

Show me a tennis "major" and I'll show you at least one of the Williams' sisters finding a way to grab attention. This year it's Serena.

Serena hasn't faced any serious competition yet, but she's found a way to mention she might be playing on a bad ankle -- just in case she loses. So far, no complaints about tummy-aches, dizzy spells, headaches, cramps, bad calls, and nary a broken nail or blister.

Nope, this time she's onto something new. Bugs. She hates bugs. It seems that after dark in Australia, in the summertime, the bugs come out. Imagine that. Nevermind her opponent, the officials, and the audience -- listening to Serena, one might conclude she's the only one in attendance that the bugs are after. Are bugs in Australia racists? Have they all got together and plotted a massive conspiracy to keep Serena from winning? Somehow I doubt that.

While she likely gets her tennis equipment for free, courtesy of sponsors, one would think if Ms. Williams can afford umpteen thousands of dollars on hairdos, clothes, and jewelry -- she might want to consider laying off the $1000 an ounce perfume before a tennis match and spend a measly Hamilton on some Deep Woods Off, or it's Australian equivalent. Presto, problem solved.

Serena said she might request not to be forced to play at night because of this airborne terror. Well gee, even though the rest of the tournament is going on in Melbourne, maybe they should just relocate her matches to her favorite indoor country club facilities in the states. Would that make her happy? If she still got beat, what excuse would be next? Beats me, but it would be something. It always is.

My suggestion is simple. Instead of penthouses, limos, and photo-shoots, Serena and her sister Venus need about 30 days with a couple REAL Crocodile Dundee type guys somewhere in the "outback".

When that was done -- and they returned to the their former world -- they'd never complain again.

And maybe, just maybe, this universe would get a little closer to normal.
Huh. Ya think?

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't agree more. Venus and Serena, along with their dad, seem to think the world owes them something. They've taken the dignity out of ladies tennis.