Random rants

This weekend, some lady is going to win her first major tennis title at Wimbledon. How do I know this? Because of those still left in the tournament, none has ever won a major before. Somebody's gotta do it.

According to Sports Illustrated, one Lonnie Whitener and his 13-year-old son Zach made back-to-back holes-in-one on the par 3 sixth hole at Riverpointe Golf Course, in Richmond Texas. On father's day, no less. How cool is THAT?

Will they please stop with all the hoopla over whether Dwight Howard resigns with the Lakers? The Lakers have even gone so far as to put up billboards around town begging him to stay? Good grief. Gimme a break. Here's the reality. Though a magnificent physical speciman, Howard was more trouble than he was worth in Orlando, and continued to underachieve after he'd whined his way into a trade to LA. And you know what? It doesn't matter anyway. Even if the Lakers are dumb enough to offer him some ridiculous contract -- that team isn't winning anything any year soon. Kobe Bryant can flap his gums all he wants, but that doesn't change the fact there's several teams in the western conference of the NBA that are currently vastly superior to the glitter boys, and most of them are younger and will only get better. For that matter, the Lakers aren't even the best team in their own building. The LA Clippers have already proven that, and will likely keep driving the point home yet again in the next few years. Though he is no doubt loving all the hype, and will likely make in the neighborhood of $20 million a year when all is said and done -- Dwight Howard can resign with the Lakers or go play for the Afghanistan national team. He's not going to get anywhere near sniffing a title either way. So what's the big deal?

Some pitcher named Homer Bailey, of the Cincinnati Reds, just threw a no-hitter. Ever hear of him before? Not me. Thing is, this is his second no-hitter. It seems like there's a lot more no-hitters being pitched in recent years than there were in the past. One would think that in this age of (allegedly) juiced baseballs, custom made bats, and the pitcher's mound be lower than it used to -- it would be just the opposite. In the old days, a no-hitter was a rare feat, usually only accomplished by the best of pitchers, with a little luck thrown in along the way. Nowadays, otherwise obscure pitchers not only pull it off, but in Bailey's case -- twice. Weird.

A major league umpire was quietly canned a while back for failing a drug test? According to reports, MLB ump Brian Runge got the heave-ho for testing positive for a banned substance. Just about the time we're finally getting over the whole steroids fiasco and everything is getting back to normal -- we find out umps are juicing? Say it ain't so. Then again, that might explain some of the combative behavior they're exhibited over the years.

Hmm. Consider --- out of all the officials in all the different sports, who are the ones most likely to have a hair-trigger that will set them off? That would be major league baseball umps. Those guys go up like a bottle rocket if a player LOOKS at them the wrong way.

Personally, I don't know what drugs, if any, they've collectively been taking. But one thing I know for sure is that they don't need any more testosterone. If they're going to "use", there's a better way.

Make marijuana mandatory. If they were forced to smoke some dope before the games, they'd be way more laid back. True, they'd probably still blow a call here and there, but in recent years it also seems like they've not only got more calls wrong, but even after seeing a replay that shows the obvious, have stuck to their guns. This is an obvious sign of not only "big heads", but WAY too much other stuff coursing through their systems. I don't partake myself, but I'm thinking a little weed cuisine would be a good thing for baseball umps at their pre-game meal. And while we're at it -- make the managers of the teams join in too. Some of those guys are 60-some years old, but when they come out on the field to protest a call -- they act like spoiled, bratty 7-year-olds that have gone berserk on steroids themselves. You've seen their antics over the years.

For now, my 4-legged yorkie kids need some attention. One of them is a yappie boy. Bark, bark, bark. Is it possible for a little doggie to get juiced on Milk Bones? I dunno. It ain't easy being a dad sometimes.