Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tigers, Chisox, and pitchers

Last time I looked, the Detroit Tigers were clobbering the Chicago White Sox -- again. Well, they should. Why? Because the Chisox are terrible. They seem to make as many errors in the field as they get hits while at bat. Not a good ratio. No wonder they're flailing around in the basement of even the woeful AL Central Division.

After the Chisox, the Tigers play series' with the Phillies and the Washington Nats. Too bad the Tigers have both series' at home. It would be much more fun to watch if they were on the road. No designated hitter. If you think most National League pitchers are poor batters, wait until you see their American League counterparts. They're flat-out pitiful. You or I, or our grandmothers, and mine have both been dead for a long time, could hit as well as those guys.

It leaves one to wonder --- why don't American League pitchers, particularly the starters, take batting practice and work at it a little bit? I mean, what else do they have to do in the 4-5 days off they get between starts? They run, you say? Well, I say that's a dumb answer.

Think about it. Why do AL pitchers need to practice running? It's not like they ever run the bases. The farthest those guys have to run during the course of a game is maybe from the pitcher's mound to first base to cover the bag on a ground ball hit to the first baseman. And how often does that even happen during the course of an average game? Once? Maybe twice? Sometimes not at all. Or perhaps 30 feet off the mound to field the occasional bunt. Good grief, for that matter, they don't even run on and off the field at the beginning or end of an inning. They walk. They play "long-toss" to keep their arms loose? Yeah, well so do all the other positional players.

Besides, the Tigers play in a boring division. The AL East is much more exciting. I can't wait until the Tigers face-off against a few of those clubs. You know, the teams that aren't afraid to spice things up a tad. Like having a pitcher throw a ball behind Miguel Cabrera and then give Prince Fielder a little chin music. That usually seems to get Tiger manager Jim Leyland's veins a-bulging. Maybe a couple innings later, drill Torii Hunter in the ribs with a heater. Then watch Leyland go off like a bottle rocket and do his best pissed-off Billy Martin on speed impersonation. Ah yes, what fun that always is.

Hey, beats watching them play KC, or Minnesota, or even the Cleveland Indians, who somewhat surprisingly remain within striking range of the Tigers to win the the above-mentioned sad-sack AL Central.

And it surely beats watching them play the Chisox. Not only is it boring, but how bad are they? Hmm....

Would you want the Pope as your middle linebacker?
Judge Judy as your therapist?
Lindsay Lohan running your kids' summer camp?
Jethro Bodine as your brain surgeon?
Me giving you advice -- on anything?

There's bad, there's real bad, and then there's that team from the south side. They've already gone so far south, it might be appropriate to move the franchise to Key West.

Either that, or put them in pads and helmets and let them have a crack at the Detroit Lions in a football game. It might not be pretty, but at least somebody has to win. Personally, I'd handicap it as a coin flip.

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