The amazing Joey Chestnut

Likely to the surprise of few, once again Joey Chestnut won the annual 4th of July Nathan's Coney Island hot-dog eating contest. What may have raised some eyebrows (and perhaps some bile) amongst those in attendance or watching on TV, was Chestnut beating his own world record. This time out, he scarfed 69 hot dogs, and buns, in 10 minutes, to top his previous mark of 68.

Regardless of whether one approves of such a display of gluttony -- this is an incredible feat. That's about 35 feet worth of hot-dogs laid end-to-end, alongside their buns -- which is ingested by one human being in 10 short minutes. Watching Chestnut eat those dogs/buns remind yours truly of those shredding machines tree trimmers feed branches and foliage into, with the small chips coming out the other end. In Chestnut's case, thankfully we never get to witness what comes out of HIS other end a few hours later, but I dare say King Joey will be sitting on a "throne" somewhere for several flushes worth, and paying the extra bucks for super-soft Charmin probably isn't a bad idea either.

Anymore, it appears as if Chestnut doesn't even have any serious challengers. A guy named Matt Stonie came in second at a woefully short 51. This is not to suggest that a guy with a name like Stonie had any sort of cannabis in his system, but it would certainly appear his "munchies" just aren't up to world-class level yet.

It used to be one Takeru Kobayashi was in the same position as Chestnut. For years, the Japanese native ruled the hot-dog eating contest. Finally, after years of trying, rigorous training, overcoming all odds, a true American heroic success story came to be. It kind of gets you right (urp) there -- ya know?

But not so fast. Kobayashi hasn't competed in recent years. Why? Because of a contract dispute. Kobayashi couldn't come to terms with the American Eating League.

Stop right there.

This is a pro sports league? They have to sign contracts? Are there agents and general managers in play haggling out the details before a player can slide the first dog down his throat? Good grief. What's next? A union? Salary caps? Trades? Free agency? Strikes and/or lockouts? Please.

Nevertheless, Chestnut's rise to greatness is a heart-rending story. In typical American fashion, he came out of nowhere. Just a young California kid with a dream who started at the bottom, worked hard every step of the way, and never lost sight of his goal.

Him being carted into the Nathan's contest like an Egyptian pharaoh was the result of years of keeping his nose to the grindstone, pulling himself up by his bootstraps, and never saying die when things got tough.

Indeed, King Chestnut worked his way up the ladder the old-fashioned way. He earned it.

Consider: Before Chestnut reached his current super-star status, he put in a lot of years in the minor leagues honing his skills. During his arduous trek he's had stints in the...

Waffle league
Hamburger league
Matzoh ball league
Pizza league
Shrimp wonton league
Bratwurst league
Corn beef sandwich league
And even a few leagues that are unfamiliar to yours truly. Like the chicken satay, gyoza, and poutine league. Few gave him a chance even at these early stops in his career.

But his brilliance always shined and he kept moving up. There was the Wing Bowl where Joey ate 182 chicken wings in a half hour. 10 pounds of mac and cheese in 7 minutes. Six pounds of deep fried asparagus. And just for kicks on an otherwise off day -- a 5 pound burrito in 3 minutes. A truly dedicated athlete does whatever it takes to stay in shape.

No, it wasn't easy for Chestnut along the way. In his formative days there were times when he was beaten by one Sonya Thomas in various competitions. Ms. Thomas won the ladies' title at Nathan's by consuming 36 dogs. Thing is, she only weighs about 100 pounds. Her eating 36 dogs and buns might be compared to eating one of her legs and her flannel pajamas in 10 minutes. It's amazing what these highly trained athletes can do. Yet years ago, when Joey was still a pup, waiflike Sonya had already earned her nickname. The Black Widow. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the female species of that spider known for killing and eating her mate after she has become impregnated?

Not sure about Joey Chestnut's marital/girlfriend status, but he might want to  reconsider if he has any romantic ideas about the lovely Sonya. After the fun is over -- look out!!!!  If nothing else, this girl has already proven she can do some serious eating too.

Idle thought: Wouldn't you love to be in the room if a couple like Chestnut and Thomas strolled incognito into an all-you-can-eat for $10 coney joint when they were both in "game shape"?  Between them, they ate well over 100 at Nathan's in 10 minutes. After 50-60 dogs had disappeared at your average local coney joint and they were asking for 10 more apiece -- can you imagine the look on the cook/owner's face? Priceless.

But I wouldn't recommend asking them over for a cookout. Bad idea.