It is with great pride, and no small measure of utter stupidity, that yours truly reveals he has been a subscriber to Mad magazine for a very long time. I first became addicted way back in junior high school. I think one of the Roosevelts was President then, though I can't remember which -- or maybe it was one of the Harrisons. Let's just say it was quite a while ago. I've got hundreds of back issues and various other Mad paraphernalia stashed away in my residence. It would probably be worth a small fortune on eBay to some other idiot. Damned if I can remember where they are, though. That's what happens when you read that mag over a long period of time.
Nevertheless, the most recent issue, #530, took a small swipe at the Detroit Lions. In recent years, as Thanksgiving approaches, Mad has annually featured a piece called "Questions we'd like to ask the turkey hotline".
In the latest turkey version, written by Scott Maiko (see page 56), over a dozen poignant, if ludicrous questions are posed regarding the gobblers that will wind up being devoured in late November. Here's a couple examples:
Where can I get more of that sexy plastic netting the birds come in?
I've been to six stores and no one carries these "dingleberries" my grandson mentioned in his reply to my post for Thanksgiving menu suggestions. Where can I find them?
And it gets worse from there.
So what does this have to do with the Detroit Lions?
It's all about long-standing tradition. Some things we just have to put up with whether we like them or not.
As the Mad editors noted in the intro to Maiko's article, NFL fans across the country will be force-fed a Detroit Lions game on Thanksgiving day on national TV. On top of the poultry, mashed taters and gravy, veggies, deviled eggs, ham roll-ups, and especially the above-mentioned dingleberrry sauce, having to watch the Lions to boot is a recipe for digestive disaster. Put all that together and it might be a safe bet to say Thanksgiving day results in more folks "worshiping" their porcelain receptacles than any other dates not called New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's day.
But in a way it makes sense. Always showing the Lions on turkey day? Who could argue with the logic?
Mad had it right. Some things just have to be revisited every year. Whether we welcome them or not.
It's just tradition.....