Friday, October 17, 2014

Silly surgery talk

Reports have it that Okla City superstar forward Kevin Durant underwent successful surgery to repair a broken bone in his foot. This was at the base of his little toe. That sort of injury can occur (it happened to yours truly) when one is walking around the house barefoot and snags their little toe on the edge of a wall, piece of furniture, etc. As soon as it happens, one knows they messed up. This is going to hurt. Count a-thousand one, a-thousand two as the foot nerves are sending the message to your brain -- and then YOW.

But sometimes this surgery talk with pro athletes gets downright silly. OF COURSE Durant's surgery was successful. When's the last time you heard of a surgery on an athlete being a failure? Can you imagine what they might say?

"It it with deepest regrets we inform you that despite having a world-class surgical team, they totally botched the procedure on Mr. Durant. Though the initial goal was to repair a minor fracture, something appears to have gone amiss in the operating room. How Mr. Durant wound up with his foot-bone connected to his jaw-bone is unknown at this time but, despite finding himself in somewhat of an awkward position, the patient is recovering quite nicely. A second surgery to correct this minor oversight is currently under consideration". Right.

Almost a full year ago the Detroit Tigers had two players, pitcher Justin Verlander and slugger Miguel Cabrera, that underwent "strikingly similar" surgeries to repair their "core muscles".

A question: Just what exactly does "core muscles" mean? Abs? Diaphragm? Something in the pelvic area? The dreaded gluteous maximus out of jointus syndrome? Nobody seems to know, but their local sports writers keep using it as an excuse as to why they had "off" years and eventually crashed and burned in the first round of the playoffs.

It's entirely possible even the Fastball Flakes man and the Venezuelan hitting machine didn't know either. Something hurt and the team docs said they had to have an operation to make it better. And let's face it, if you've ever been in the OR for whatever procedure, you had no clue what happened after the anesthesiologist "turned out the lights". Even if it was only an "out-patient" procedure, you're going to wake up groggy in a strange room, with a bandage and a bunch of stitches somewhere, plus a handful of scripts to fill. Pills to pop later. But you really have no idea what actually went on in the OR, or whether your surgery was successful -- or not. Time will tell.

As one is waiting to get wheeled down to a pick-up area so they can go home, it's always a good sign that the surgeon makes an appearance and assures one that everything went just fine. If he/she doesn't show up -- that's a bad sign.

But if you initially went in for minor toe surgery and come out with your foot bones connected to your jaw bone -- that's a sign something went horribly wrong in the operating room. A second opinion from another doctor is probably a very good idea.

And don't get me started on "high ankle sprains". Just how high does the ankle go anyway?

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