Well then. In her never-ending, and sometimes shameless quest for pub(l)icity, the Poohster girl, AKA Katy Perry, has done it again. Somehow she wormed her way into the pre Super Bowl hype wearing a "football" shirt that looked like it could have been worn at Woodstock after taking one too many hits of acid. Or perhaps a nouveau riche, but deranged sports fashion show. I'm telling ya -- that woman was showing off some serious balls. Ahem.
Ms. P, who likely doesn't know the difference between a field goal and field corn, nevertheless tried to "frame" her 15 seconds into a recent controversy. There would be nothing "deflated" about her, she quipped. Very (gag) cute, and entirely believable, especially when it comes to her ego. How many PSI is THAT at these days?
On another front, there's the one and only Eldrick Tont Woods, AKA Tiger. Sound the trumpets and bring on the legions of groupies to once again pay homage. His Highness is back out on tour.
Remember a few days ago when Tiger got a tooth or two accidentally knocked out by a cameraman when he showed up to watch his significant other in a snow skiing contest?
Now harkon back to all his years on tour, when he and his caddy would become highly indignant -- even outraged -- if a fan dared get too close to the action, or impede their progress through the "gallery" in any way. "Clear a path, you lowly peons, and know your place. Can't you see we're working here?"
But at the base of the ski slope, Tiger did exactly the same thing. He had to get "inside the ropes", replete with police protection no less, the better to embrace his beloved after her descent down the mountain. And guess what? A cameraman was just trying to do HIS job. Tiger got in the way and wound up going to the dentist for some work.
You know what I call that? Justice.
Now Woods is playing at a tournament sponsored by Waste Management. That seems appropriate, given his performances, or lack thereof, in recent years.
After only one round, Tiger is a whopping 9 shots behind. Incredibly, he's still front and center on the TV highlight reels. Reporters continue to flock to him for interviews. What is the matter with these people and how bad does this guy have to get before the spell is finally broken?
He's not going to catch Jack and his major record. Forget that. It's over. While Woods can continue to wallow in his sizeable endorsements, his immediate concern would appear to be merely making the "cut" in a tournament, let alone winning it. His driving is still erratic, and his short game at times embarrassing. But every once in a while, he'll pull off a great shot.
Tiger chalked up his dismal opening performance at Phoenix Open by saying this was only his second tournament in the last six months. True enough. But what's also true is that golfers don't exactly have to round back into "game shape" like NFL or NHL players, which only comes after facing "live" competition for a while. Last time yours truly looked, there was very little high speed contact amongst participants on the PGA tour -- though that would indeed make the sport infinitely more entertaining to watch. Can you imagine? Bubba cracks Rory in the neck with a 7 iron. Tweet. Two stroke penalty for high-clubbing. Phil sticks his putter where Jason's sun doesn't shine. Tweet. Personal foul. A 15 yard penalty to be assessed on the following tee for Lefty. The possibilities are endless. But how much fun would THAT be to watch? And talk about TV ratings going through the roof......
But back to Tiger and his "only second tournament" alibi. Horsefeathers. Any pro golfer will tell you they don't play against the competition, but against the courses themselves. Besides God-given talent, what does a professional golfer, especially one with the experience of Woods, need to get his game to the elite level? A few things.
A set of golf clubs. Lots of balls, no offense Katy, a variety of courses to practice on, and some serious time practicing on the driving range, chipping and putting greens, sand trap shots, etc. Woods had all of this at this disposal. Tell me he can't show up at pretty much any golf course he wants and play free all day, and I'll tell you I don't believe it. Hell, they'd probably pay him to be there.
So when he comes back out on tour, his "rusty" alibi doesn't hold much water. Either he can still play at a high level, or he can't. And few would doubt Father Time isn't exactly working in his favor these days. The young guns keep coming and, in their minds, Tiger is no longer the fearsome presence he once was, but rather just another old famous dude they KNOW they can beat.
Now 39, Eldrick Tont Woods' crossroads will come at the Masters in a little over a month. This is the most prestigious tournament in the world, and there is ZERO doubt everything Tiger does from now until then will be geared toward him having his A-game in order for Augusta National.
If he wins it, Katy (there's that name again) bar the door. His legions will be delirious with excitement. Talking heads will spontaneously combust on the air. TIGER IS BACK!!!!. The replays will go on for weeks, months, years. The entire Middle East may well have long since settled their differences with everybody living in peace and harmony before the Tiger video clips stop. Let's just say it could be a while.
If he's competitive, but doesn't win, his fans will still hold out hope. Even making the cut, no given, could be considered a sign of progress. Perhaps better things await him in the future. Could be.
But if he totally crashes and burns on a course he is so familiar with and has spent weeks prepping for -- than that would present a whole different scenario, which could basically be summed up in five words.
Stick a fork in him.
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