Monday, October 26, 2015

Detroit Lion bloodshed and other NFL tidbits

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, heads have started to roll in Motown. This is what happens when a team with so much (cough, cough, ahem -- sorry) "potential" crashes and burns. You can't fire all the bonehead players -- though that would be very interesting and likely couldn't hurt -- so coaches have to take the hit.

The Lions just sacked offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi. Early reports have it he will be replaced by Jim Bob Cooter. Or was that Joe Don Looney? Billy Bob Thornton? Billy Dee Williams? Tommy Lee Jones? Hillary Rodham Clinton? Heck, they could plug in Hopalong Cassidy, Butch and Sundance, and what difference would it make?

Quick question. Is owner Martha Ford even dimly aware of what has happened? If not, somebody should wake her up and enlighten her.

More quickies. Who actually did the firing? Head coach Jim Caldwell? GM Martin Mayhew? Lombardi was Caldwell's hire with the blessing of (thank you Mach/Josh) the Mayillen Man. Are they just passing the buck and biding time until their heads roll as well? Could be. Hello Martha and Mustang Billy. Anybody home?

On a different note, Roger Goodell and his NFL front office minions still can't let go of the Tom Brady "deflategate" thing. After a federal judge (in a venue hand-picked by the NFL itself) set aside Brady's original suspension for various reasons (mostly lack of evidence tying him to a crime that may or may not have been committed in the first place), the good Commish refuses to tap out. Like a typical overzealous prosecutor that will do anything to secure a conviction -- true justice be damned -- they want another bite at the apple. That raises a couple other questions. If a fed judge has already ruled against them, the have to go to a fed appeals court. If they lose there, which is likely, will they take it all the way to the Supremes? Would the nine potentates in black even consider hearing the case? And how many millions of dollars will be wasted along the way in legal fees? It could take years before it's finally resolved. And even if the league improbably gets a ruling in their favor -- then what? Would the original suspension be re-imposed in, say, the year 2018? How nuts is that?

Idle thought. Everybody remembers the old TV show Gilligan's Island. So how was it that the moooovie star Ginger seemed to change clothes every 10 minutes? How many outfits did she take with her on that 3-hour tour anyway? The tiny ship might have been tossed, but her wardrobe was far from lost. No wonder the boat started taking on water. Too many sequins on board.

Remember Jason Pierre Paul? He's the NY Giants defensive end that managed to blow off a finger or two playing with fireworks a while back. The Giants had put a franchise tender tag on PP, but he refused to sign it. Plus, while he was rehabbing his hand with private doctors, he kept the team totally in the dark. Now here we are almost halfway through the 2015 NFL season, and Jason has decided to finally talk to the Giants. Maybe missing out on half a million bucks a week for a couple months has finally stirred a few of his remaining brain cells into action. If I'm the Giants front office, I not only wait him out, but lessen the original offer. In other words, "We're doing OK without you JPP, so take your time. And, BTW, we still own your butt. You can't play for anybody else this year. Let us know when you're ready to sign on the dotted line to start getting paychecks, and we'll think about it for a while and get back to you."

Greg Hardy of the Dallas Cowboys recently went berserk on the sidelines in yet another Dallas loss. He got into it with a special teams coach, injured receiver Dez Bryant, and pretty much everybody else that was in his personal grenade range. Loose cannon doesn't begin to describe this guy. Then he chumped all the reporters in a post-game interview. Sure, the scribes can ask some dumb questions at times, but dissing all of them is not exactly a good idea. They have a way of eating an athlete alive in various media outlets. Naturally, head coach Jason Garett tried to play the incidents down. Of course he did. That's because he has to answer to owner Jerry Jones, likely the second biggest egomaniac in the country behind some guy that's currently leading in the GOP Presidential primary free for all. And JJ is standing by his, ahem, "defensive leader". Right. Jones might well defend Adolph Hitler if he had him under contract and the Fuhrer could sack opposing quarterbacks.

Last, but not least, it appears there was a post-game dust-up between Indy Colt owner Jim Irsay and his GM in the locker room after the team's latest loss. Voices were raised and it got heated, quoth the talking heads.

Tell ya what. When it comes to an owner and a GM not seeing eye to eye -- I'm pretty sure I know which will prevail in the end -- every time. One pretty much rules. The other can be fired in a minute with a mere phone call -- or even text. A GM making millions of dollars has to be a fool to confront his owner, especially in the locker room where the coaches and players are privy to it. Bad, repeat, BAD idea.

Then again, so was the Lions hiring Jim Caldwell. Remember, a year and a half ago when the NFL's coaching carousel was spinning merrily away, Caldwell was the last "qualified" coach remaining, and he was taken by Detroit. Everybody else had passed on him. His history was he was a good lieutenant under other successful head coaches, but quickly crashed and burned when given the reins of command himself.

And look at what has happened with the Lions this year.

Is Martha awake yet?

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