Wows in sports

San Diego Charger quarterback Phillip Rivers threw for a whopping 503 yards, 2 touchdowns, no interceptions, and they got beat (by the Packers)? Wow. To their credit, Green Bay remains undefeated, but just think how good they could be if their defensive secondary was semi-competent.

The Denver Broncos remain undefeated as well. This, in spite of the play of aging QB Peyton Manning. Old #18 has never been known for having a big arm -- as in he's responsible for more wounded ducks than that giant oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico a while back -- but he's supposedly "cerebral". Right. Never mind that throughout his career he's always had an offensive line that gave him all day to throw, and a bevy of world class receivers to throw to -- this guy's a regular genius. But lately, the wounded ducks have turned into some bonehead throws. He's throwing as many interceptions as TD passes. Yet how do I know Peyton is Mensa caliber? Simple. Check out his endorsements over the years. Your average Joe McFan would have a very hard time juggling driving a Buick, slicing meat, hanging out with Papa pizza, hawking a cell phone company, peddling a credit card, pushing a brand of athletic shoes, doing various moronic commercials for a satellite TV outfit (singing in a falsetto voice for a barbershop quartet -- really? -- has the man no shame?), and guzzling a watered down "sports" drink. All this and humming as he's about to maw on some nasty looking sandwich from who knows where. Wow. That's quite the resume.

KC Royals pitcher Johnny Cueto has suffered a serious dose of reality since coming over to the American League. Yep, he was an ace pitcher for Cincinnati, but it doesn't seem to have translated to the junior circuit. In other words, the American League batters are eating him up. Sure, Cueto still tries to emulate the antics of long-ago Red Sox pitcher Luis Tiant on the mound, but he should quit with that nonsense because it's not working. Though thought to be a brilliant addition to the KC staff when they acquired him, Cueto has actually bombed out. His AL record is a poor 4-8, with an ERA approaching 5. Just last night, he didn't even make it to the third inning against the Toronto Blue Jays. They lit him up for 8 runs, all earned. In postseason AL play, Cueto's ERA is just shy of a horrendous 8. He's gone from an ace to a batting practice pitcher. Wow.

The fallout continues from Michigan's last-second botched punt which resulted in Michigan State claiming the most improbable of victories. Yep, it was a bonehead classic, right up there with the Indianapolis Colts "fake punt" debacle against the New England Patriots on Sunday night. Wow, and another wow. Two plays that will live in infamy on back to back days.

In NASCAR, another race in the "Chase" happened. Their promoters are all talking about points here, bonus points there, making it to the next round, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's a thought. Wake me up when they get to Homestead, the last race, and a champion is finally decided. Though other American sports leagues have expanded their playoff formats for the almighty cha-ching, even THEY don't have a preposterous ten rounds of the same teams playing each other over and over again. How stupid is that? Wow. Even worse, whoever wins the final race might not even be the champion. Last year, there were two celebrations. The winner at Homestead and the driver who had accumulated enough of those "points" to become champion. Isn't that a little bit like declaring somebody a Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, or World Series champion because, even though they lost the final game, they scored more points, goals, or runs along the way in the playoffs than anybody else? Wow.

So what gives with all the champagne being wasted in locker rooms when a team has won, um, something? Like a wild card game. Or a divisional series. You've seen it. They pour the expensive bubbly over each other's heads, or shake it up and spray it around. Yours truly thinks the champagne should be reserved for champions only. But if teams just have to wallow in an alcoholic beverage for every little road sign they pass without being kicked to the curb -- then give them cheap beer. Perhaps Old Milwaukee's Worst. They wouldn't know the difference. It's not like they drink the stuff -- ya know? A couple hundred bottles of champagne to celebrate a minor achievement comes with a hefty price tag. Definitely overkill. Bring in a few half barrels of low-grade suds and pump them up to 100 PSI. Turn on the taps and watch the fun begin. Wow.

A-Rod and Pete Rose are both front and center as TV analysts for the Major League playoffs? Wow. The league office likely cringes. Fred Robman, Rob Fredman, or whoever the Commissioner is these days after Bud-man mercifully finally retired likely doesn't approve. But things could be worse.

As many self-inflicted gaffes as NFL Commish Roger Goodell has struggled with of late, consider a prime-time TV lineup of Ray Rice, Ndamukong Suh, Aldon Smith, Adrian Peterson, and once accused murderer Ray Lewis doing human interest stories as they pertain to football. Wow.

What's that? Ray Lewis is already on the air in prime time offering his expertise? Dang. A definite wow. Notice he never wears a white suit anymore these days. Imagine that....