If one is a big fan of "diversity" when it comes to appointing people to various stations in life -- and is willing to accept the incompetency that usually comes with it -- then one would be quite enamored with the panel of "experts" that will decide which four college football teams get to play for the national championship. Let's meet them.
The Chairman is one Jeff Long. Why this panel needs a chairman is a good question, much like why the Supreme Court needs a Chief Justice. If they all have equal votes, then what's the point? But I suppose somebody has to rap a gavel and call the meeting to order. Tough job. At any rate, Long is the AD at Arkansas. He might know a little bit about football.
Barry Alvarez. BA was a long-time coach at Wisconsin and moved up to AD himself. He definitely knows football.
Lieutenant General Michael Gould. He was an Air Force flyboy and made his way up through the ranks to oversee the Air Force Academy. And just what, pray tell, do generals know about college football? Likely very little. Does Mikey wear his old uniform with all the fruit salad on the front when he sits in on such meetings? Do the others have to stand at attention and salute him when he enters the room? Unknown. But this doesn't seem right.
Pat Haden. Currently the AD at USC. The good Mr. Haden has made the news several times in recent years. Unfortunately, it was always for his bumbling at Southern Cal. Coaches, players, scandals, you name it, and if there was a way to screw it up -- Pat would find it. But now he's deemed an expert. Right.
Tom Jemstedt. Ever heard of him? Me neither. Turns out, Tommie spent almost 40 years as a bureaucrat with the NCAA -- in basketball. How'd they come up with this guy?
Oliver Luck. In the past, he was a suit for the NFL, oversaw NFL Europe -- which folded -- and then landed at West Virginia. Leave it to the by-Godders to put a guy in charge of their athletic programs fresh off his last venture going belly up. Further, leave it to the NCAA to decide he morphed into another expert overnight and put him on the almighty Committee.
Archie Manning. You remember Arch. He was supposedly a legend at Mississippi. Problem is, he never won squat in college or the NFL that followed. Evidently, Ole Miss has some pretty low standards for legend status. Then again, Archie has two famous kids. You know, the QBs that have made arguably the stupidest commercials in the history of TV endorsements. Lots of them, especially the eldest. The man has no shame. But count Arch another expert these days.
Tom Osborne. This guy has the right stuff, on one condition. As the long-time head coach at Nebraska, including winning national titles, then moving up to AD himself, Ozzie definitely knows college football. Or used to. The condition? Hopefully he wasn't brain damaged from the three terms he spent in the US Congress. Hang out with incompetent people for six years and sometimes the stupidity has a way of rubbing off. Plus he's 76. He has STILL got the right stuff or been reduced to a blithering idiot? Another unknown.
Dan Radakovich. Another ever heard of him. And another me neither. Turns out Danny is the AD at Clemson. It DID come as somewhat of a surprise when Clemson popped out #1 in the first Committee rankings. Nobody saw that coming. Hmmm. Maybe he should be Chairman.
Condoleezza Rice. We all remember dear Condi. With W, Darth, Rummy, and another anal general appropriately named Colon, they merrily led our country into an unwinable war over weapons of mass destruction that didn't exist. Countless thousands died, billions of dollars were spent and, years later, the situation is ten times worse than it was before Ms. Rice was supposedly the smartest person in any room she entered. What does she know about college football? Likely absolutely nothing. But the political gig didn't work out, so she had to be appointed to SOMETHING -- right?
Mike Tranghese. Who? Oh wait. He was the Commissioner of the Big East. Question. Do they even play football in the Big East? If so, does anybody care?
Steve Wieberg. Stevie was a reporter. Reporters know everything. These people are veritable geniuses. Don't believe that? Ask one. They'll tell you. Nuff said.
Tyrone Willingham. Ah yes. Who can forget the ever lovable Ty? He was a head coach at Stanford, Notre Dame, and Washington. And his teams crashed and burned every place he went. Fired, fired, and fired again. But like Condi, he needed a position, dammit. So even though he was a career loser, why not put him on the panel that will decide which four teams get a chance at being the ultimate winner? This is typical logic is the world of the NCAA.
And there you have them. A couple qualified. A couple more maybes. A few somewhat suspect, and the rest fall into the category of -- you've got to be kidding.
Final thought. Add them up and you'll discover the motley crew above consists of exactly thirteen people. Many consider 13 to be an unlucky number. But in the whole scheme of things, it just kind of fits in with all the rest of the collective "wisdom" used in assembling this heretofore mysterious bunch to make decisions affecting colleges and their fans across the nation.
Or, put another way, it's just another example of how resilient America actually is. We will survive this, like we have all the other boneheads that have been put in positions of power over the years.
Yet you'd think there should be a better way of going about this stuff......
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