Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Why Detroit Lions will win in Green Bay

It's an absurd premise of course. There's a multitude of reasons -- very good ones -- why the Lions should have NO shot in this game.

First and foremost, the Packers are a far superior team. It would be difficult to argue otherwise. True, after starting out the season 6-0, the Cheesers have shown a few chinks in their armor the last couple weeks. They got torched in Denver and beaten fair and square by Carolina. Yet it should be noted both those teams were also undefeated at the time and both were road games for GB. Considering the travel and competition, it could fairly be said that was a brutal two weeks for the Packers.

Second, they haven't lost at home to the Lions since Daddy Bush was in the Oval Office way back in 1991 blathering on about his "thousand points of light". Did anybody ever figure out what the hell he was talking about? Did HE even know? Where's the anti-doping police when you really need them to run a full scan on a notable that is apparently suffering hallucinations? Sigh. But I digress. At any rate, that's quite the long winning/losing streak.

Third, the Lions had been so godawful so far this year that even an owning Ford decided to finally take action. Martha fired her President and GM, Tom Lewand and Martin Mayhew respectively. But that did absolutely nothing to cure the ills on the field. Head coach Jim Caldwell and his merry band of assistants will still be coaching the same roster. Caldwell himself recently fired a couple of his underlings, that he hired in the first place, in what appeared to be a feeble attempt to deflect criticism of himself. Regardless, the team remains who they are -- and they're not very good. A 1-7 record while giving up roughly 100 more points than they've scored is not a pretty picture. The Lions are in dead last place in the entire NFL. Laughingstock, plankton, bottom feeders, Keystone Kops -- take your pick. All are applicable to this version of the Motowners.

Fourth, an 11.5 point spread from the bookies says they don't expect this game to be close. Anything over a 10 point handicap in the NFL is noteworthy. In a league where supposedly anybody can beat anybody else in any given game, and spreads over a touchdown are rare -- 11.5 is a bunch. The "wise guys" are solidly behind the Packers.

But you know what? Detroit just might win this game for a few other reasons.

Leave it to the Lions to be involved with the unexpected, even outrageous. Remember the Calvin Johnson catch in the end zone against the Bears a few years back that was a touchdown -- until it wasn't a touchdown because he hadn't maintained possession long enough? Who ever heard of that rule before? It was a first. Only the Lions. Later on, in a Thanksgiving game against Houston, former head coach Jim Schwartz threw a red challenge flag on a play he would later admit he knew to be unchallengeable. It would cost the Lions the game. This was the same guy that tried to assault former San Fran 49er coach Jim Harbaugh on the field after the game was over. Schwartz had apparently popped a blood vessel between his ears and gone berserk. Only the Lions would hire such a loose cannon as head coach.

Lions fans to this day will maintain they got jobbed in Dallas last year in a playoff game by a pass interference penalty that was called -- and then not called. Point noted. But they forget all the incredible breaks they got earlier in the season to get them into the playoffs in the first place. They had lost the game in London to Atlanta on a last-second failed field goal attempt -- but got another chance on a penalty against THEMSELVES -- and converted it to win? Has this ever happened before in the entire history of the NFL?

But that's the thing. Just when you think the Lions are good -- they'll turn out to be bad. And just when all is in flames and there's no hope -- the Lions will rear up and pull off the most improbable of upsets. These guys must drive the above-mentioned bookies absolutely crazy.

Last but not least, there's one more reason the Lions will win in Green Bay. Actually two. Yours truly doesn't think they have a shot and I always get it wrong. And a certain football guru named Mach picked the puddy-tats to win.

Far be it from me to argue with someone that operates at the speed of sound......


  1. It was only a matter of time.


    1. All things considered, particularly a recent post on another subject, I have but one word to say. Touche.

    2. I'm just thrilled that the Lions won. A win in Lambeau was way overdue for the Lions. Woot!

    3. Either WOOT or WTF? It seems both are appropriate when it comes to the Lions. lol