It's difficult to recall any pair of "sports" figures that have been bigger media darlings than Danica Patrick and Tiger Woods. For at least a couple decades, they've been trumpeted to the heavens.
It's like the media wants them to win. They NEED them to win. And they expect the public to follow suit. In many cases, they have. Nobody knows why exactly, but Danica being a woman, sort of, in the typically male-dominated sport of auto racing, and Eldrick Tont being a black man, sort of, in the world of golf long dominated by white guys, might have something to do with it.
At any rate, any little excuse or mini-highlight will set the media off again regarding this dynamic duo. A bazillion replays with screaming announcers is always just a single lap or golf shot away.
See the magnificent Danica, who can't seem to hold onto a boyfriend. Now it's Aaron Rodgers? Really?
See the equally magnificent Tiger, who can't seem to hang onto his latest blond. Your guess is as good as mine who his next "companion" will be.
But they've also been wrecking machines over the years.
In Danica's case, it's difficult to determine just how many race cars she's wrecked over the years, between the Indy car circuit and NASCAR. But a conservative guess of, say 5 a year, over a 20 year period, yields an obvious result.
100 race cars costing upwards of $400,000 a pop comes out to 40 million bucks worth of scrap. While never yielding a single victory, save an obscure race in Japan where most of the top drivers didn't even show up.
And that's just her own cars. How many others has she wiped out with stupid moves during her long path of destruction over the years? Perhaps twice that many? Again, that's a conservative estimate. The actual number is likely quite higher. Nobody keeps track of stats like this in a politically correct world. Only praise is allowed.
At least Tiger had his decade of dominance. Indeed, perhaps the most notable decade golf has ever seen. But that ended a decade ago. Since then, between his personal life imploding -- no surprise -- and various injuries, real or feigned, he's pretty well stunk it up.
Yet we always hear the rumble when either of them is getting close to "competing" again. As the event draws nigh, the rumble increases to a roar.
Behold, Tiger will be back at the Masters Tournament. Alas, he crashed and burned. No big surprise. Just this past week, listen up. Tiger will be entering the Players Tournament, a prestigious event on the PGA tour. At last look, he was 11 shots behind after three rounds, having barely made the cut. The next time a "major" rolls around, the same hype will issue forth from the breathless people that can't seem to get enough of this guy. And he'll disappoint again.
True, he shot an impressive 65 in the third round of the above-mentioned Players Tournament. And of course, the viewing public was force fed a play by play dissection of his round. But Jordan Spieth also shot a 65. No highlights of that. Spieth is a top ten player in the world, and has won a lot of stuff lately. Woods isn't even in the top 300, and hasn't won zip in years. So what gives with that?
But the Indy 500 draws near. Just a couple more weeks until my favorite event kicks off again. Been there many times, always as an infield rat camped out in Turn Four, and never cease to be amazed at how fast those over-grown go-karts are. You can always tell the first-time spectators by their slack-jawed expressions when the cars come around at full speed for the first time.
This supposedly is Danica Patrick's swan-song race before she -- mercifully -- moves on to something else. One can only hope she doesn't cause yet another disaster on the track, but given she's been away from Indy car racing for a decade, the likelihood of her splatting her own car and a few others is probably uncomfortably high. Ah well, what's a few more million bucks in high tech racing equipment turned into instant salvage -- right? Pay particular attention to the pre-race prayer this year -- because the wrecking machine is back.
Tiger Woods seems to be stuck in the twilight zone of golf. No, he's nowhere near good enough anymore to compete with the young guns on the tour. And those guys are going to keep on coming from all over the world. But at the age of 41, he's still nine years away from qualifying for the Geezer Circuit, sometimes known as the Champions Tour. Not sure who sponsors that, but it ought to be AARP.
With any luck, Eldrick Tont Woods will someday fade away as well, ala Danica Patrick. And the sooner the better.
All those "mandatory" interviews after every round he plays have gone beyond boring into the world of pathetic hero worship. Even bordering on outrage, given they take air time away from the array of vastly superior players still playing on the course. I mean c'mon. They don't pay that much attention to losers in any other sport. For that matter, none of those folks WANT to have a camera and microphone stuck in their face after they've been vanquished/humbled -- again. They just want to slink away and mope. But not Tiger. He still thinks he's "King". The truly sorry thing is, the media does too. Even sorrier is so many of the public continue to buy into this nonsense. Hey, the dude's washed up. Has been for years. Get used to it, cuz it ain't gonna get any better. Only worse.
But yep, Danica or not, I wouldn't miss watching the Indy 500 for anything, though I won't be able to attend this year. And I'll miss Gomer, sorry, Jim Nabors belting out his "Back Home In Indiana" tune as well. Great stuff and got me choked up every time.
Nonetheless, here's hoping Little Miss Hissy Fit and Stompy Feets doesn't cause too much carnage in her last go-rounds at 220+ miles per hour. You just know it's coming, like all the other Indy drivers, but they can only pray they don't get caught up in it.
And we can only pray she means it when it comes to retiring from auto-racing.
Twenty years of a one-woman demolition derby is quite sufficient, thank you very much.
No comments:
Post a Comment