Happy Halloween!!! Here's a few handy-dandy suggestions for last minute outfits.
For Al -- c'mon man, give it up. You know you want to do it. Go disguised as Tiger. If you don't get the candy you want -- cuss the big people out at the door and throw a 9-iron at them.
For that mysterious blond girl -- nah, you won't be out there anyway. Never heard of anybody calling in sick for trick-or-treat before, but you'll figure out a way. But D2 might want to consider going door to door dressed up as the daily TV lottery machine. Something about all those balls.....
For Mel -- wherever you go, may they be handing out chrome candy bars. Enough said.
For Deb -- a Chicago Bears and Tennessee Lady Vols fan. I'm thinking there's a whole lot of black and orange already involved anyway. Do a collage. Perfect. And if you get really lucky, maybe somebody will be handing out shots of tequila.
For Chrissy, Lynn, Mary, Pete, and Robin -- get together as a wandering band of bartenders pretending to be polite to their customers. Nobody will EVER see through that disguise. Trust me.
For the Princess, wherever you are -- ah well -- just go as yourself, and keep on doing what you're doing. You might want to consider going a little easier on us peasants, though. We're doing the best we can.
For my boss, Jeff Kuehn, the sports editor at the Oakland Press -- um, no, I probably shouldn't go there. He might actually have occasion to read this. Still, Simon Legree -- nah -- nevermind.
For anyone else that may be reading my stuff -- I thank you very much, but obviously, like me, you aren't very bright. Perhaps you should go trick-or-treating disguised as a brick.
Me? I'll be the big ugly guy out there ringing your doorbell and trying to pass myself off as a REAL sports reporter. What an ingenious disguise. Nobody will believe that either.
But hold a couple Reese's cups back just in case I find my way on to your porch. Always did like those things....