The Detroit Lions Super Bowl -- what???

I can't believe what I saw earlier on the 4-letter network. Granted, I'm dumber than a stick and, further granted, the NFL football "experts" know a heck of a lot more about the game than I do -- but some of them are picking the Detroit Lions to -- gasp -- win the Super Bowl this coming year? Somebody's on drugs, and it isn't me. I won't even associate with anybody that does drugs, let alone partake myself. No way.

Yet somehow -- and it boggles my mind -- there are those that think the Lions will go to the Super Bowl next year. Local media koolaid I understand, but unless the Ford family has been handing out some serious Honolulu blue hallucinogens amongst the talking heads -- obviously yours truly is missing something. Here's what I think I know. Last time I looked this was the same team that...

Went 4-12 last year, losing the last 8 in a row.
Didn't win a single game within their division.
Didn't noticeably upgrade themselves during the off-season through the draft or free agency.
Has a grand total of 2 starters on the offensive line -- and the rest is still up in the air.
Had no noticeable running game. Reggie Bush is in town now? Hey, the Miami Dolphins, not exactly a powerhouse, let him walk. Bush is thrilled to be in Detroit, and well he should be. It's not like other teams were clamoring for his services.

Sure, Matthew Stafford might throw for another 5000 yards and Megatron Calvin Johnson might catch 2000 more yards worth of his heaves. But beyond that....

The Lions cut one receiver because he was a nut case, and the others are recovering from injuries.
They don't have a tight end that can, you know, actually catch the ball with any degree of frequency.
One starting defensive lineman bailed for free agency, and another was put out to pasture. Yet another is doing well if he can stay off the police blotter, and a fourth has been voted the dirtiest player in the league by his fellow NFLers.
Linebackers? Could even a single one of them on the Lions roster start for another NFL team? I have my doubts.
Between cornerbacks and safeties, the defensive backfield looks like some sort of Chinese fire drill running around. And that's the guys that can stay healthy -- which most of them have shown they can't.
Even their reliable place kicker, Jason Hanson, is gone. The Lions are entertaining some guy named "kickalicious". See the stunts he can do kicking a football by himself. See him crawl into the fetal position and cry for his mama when a bunch of snarling big guys are bearing down on him in an NFL game. Good luck with that.

Head coach Jim Schwartz has, by far, at 22-42, the worst record in the NFL. Yes, he took over a team that set an all-time record for futility in 2008, going 0-16. Obviously, it couldn't get any worse. Sure enough, he made progress. In 2009 the Lions went 2-14. A little better. In 2010 6-10. Definitely showing improvement. Most coaches are given a 3 year window to get things done, and in 2011 Schwartz led the Lions to a 10-6 record and the playoffs. Nevermind they got blown out by the New Orleans Saints in that opening playoff game -- things were looking up. Until 2012. Going from a playoff team to 4-12 and finishing dead last in the division, while beating NOBODY within it all year would be a recipe for any other self-respecting team to fire the head coach. In their infinite wisdom, Detroit gave Schwartz got a contract extension. Only the Lions would do something like that. Unbelievable.

So basically, the way I see it, the Lions will still have the Matthew to Calvin show going on, but if anything, the rest has got worse.

Here's a few more reasons why they won't get to the Super Bowl. The...

San Francisco 49ers.
Atlanta Falcons.
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
Chicago Bears
Seattle Seahawks
New York Giants

All those teams and more will be better in the NFC than the Lions.

But some of the experts pick the Lions to go to the big dance?

Wow. That's almost enough to make yours truly want to do the same drugs so I can fathom what the hell they're talking about.

Nah. I'll stick to being an idiot, but a clean one. Given the "weaker" schedule afforded to losing teams, methinks the Lions, with a few breaks, might go 8-8.

Super Bowl? That's like saying the Cubs are going to win the World Series.

C'mon.