The most interesting man in the world? Me

How do I know this? Because while watching the 4-letter network, it seems they've brought back the old commercials about who's supposed to be the most interesting man in the world. No, not Barry Melrose, the hockey guy. They tried that, but it didn't work. No matter how much he huffs and puffs to the contrary, the NHL isn't blowing anybody's house down until the playoffs start. Besides, for pure entertainment value, who would you rather see? Him or Don Cherry? Case closed.

You know who I'm talking about. That guy with the slobbery lips advertising a brand of beer. I've got it all over him.

He got pushed out of an airplane in a kayak into a frozen river far below? Big deal. I once won the Iditerod in Alaska, pulling the sled by myself, while the dogs sat in the sleigh.

He bowls overhand? Excuse me for not being impressed. When he can win the Indy 500, like I did, while driving the entire race blindfolded, maybe I'll let him buy me dinner.

His words carry weight? So what. A lot of things carry weight. Like semis, fork lift trucks, or pregnant women. Besides, I once gave Shaq a piggy-back ride from NY to LA, just to save him plane fare. Talk about a load.

He has some sort of bobcat in his kitchen that actually obeys his commands? Sorry, that doesn't get it. I used to have a ferocious feline running around here, that occasionally passed through the kitchen, but it didn't obey ANYTHING. I believe the proper term is "ex". And claw for claw, I'd match her against that 4-legged critter any time.

In the end, how do I know I'm way ahead of this guy when it comes to being the most interesting man in the world?

Simple. Like the man says, I don't always drink beer either, but when I do, it won't be with flat-chested women sporting moronic smiles.

All of that junk is a bunch of phony-baloney hype. You'll get nothing but the truth here.

Well, most of the time.

Stay reading, my friends.