The terror was evident in the way their eyes flitted back and forth, and their voices quavered while describing the scene. Did the city and people of San Francisco suffer yet another devastating catastrophe? Not exactly. I'm talking about the announcers on Monday Night Football, which featured the Pittsburgh Steelers going up against the home-town 49ers. They sounded scared -- very scared.
It seems the power to the stadium went out about 20 minutes before kickoff, and the talking heads just couldn't wait to sensationalize it. Here's a few of their comments with a few of my own thrown in......
Well, it IS San Francisco. Maybe it's an earthquake. Could be, but the producers are telling me in my ear that the guys in the press box haven't experienced any serious vibrations.
(Heaven forbid the scribes in the press box might spill some Red Bull or 5-hour energy drink on their laptops. This could be interpreted as a hostile act. Since the wars in the Middle East are dying down, those fun-loving people in the Pentagon are probably itching to bomb somebody somewhere. But who could we blame this on? The closest one would be.... Yeah. Shock and awe Vancouver. That would teach those pesky Canadians a thing or two)
I'm hearing a transformer exploded that was the only source of power to the stadium. We have aerial video of it.
(Yep, there was a major electrical flash, no doubt. But the sole source of power? Such a transformer wouldn't exactly be like the 4 foot tall cannisters we see on utility poles in our neighborhoods. One with the capacity to power an entire stadium would be enormous, and weigh several tons. It wouldn't have mattered if every lineman in the Bay area was within a block of it -- it's not getting changed in 20 minutes, which was how long the power was initially out.)
This is one of the oldest stadiums, which probably makes it more susceptible to the forces of nature.
(Um... guys. Those tectonic plates underneath you right now have been there for thousands of years, and I'm pretty sure if they decide to move in a violent fashion, they won't care if the stadium was built yesterday)
The only lights I see are flashes from cell phones and cigarette lighters.
(Look closer, fellas. You missed two things. First, the advertising signs ringing the stadium at club level never even blinked. Obviously, they have some sort of back-up power supply. If you consider the guys in the press box non-expendable -- those signs are sacred. It's the money thing -- ya know? Second, look even closer. See those tiny little orange flares, right next to the cigarette lighters that seem to be going on and off? Well gee. It's an open-air stadium, everybody's partying, the lights just went off, and it's San Francisco. I wonder what that phenomenon could possibly be? If the pilots of the blimp or helicopter had their windows open, I'd bet they could tell you)
Power was quickly restored and the game began. Then, barely into the 2nd quarter, power went out again. Jon Gruden, one of the announcers, and a former NFL head coach himself, was asked what he would do if he were one of the head coaches on the field. Gruden replied that he would take his team into the locker room, pretend it was halftime, make adjustments, and, above all, TRY NOT TO PANIC.
(Thank you Jon. That was very helpful. We can always count on you to be the soothing voice of reason)
The power was restored again within a few minutes. During the short outage, the teams and coaching staffs nonchalantly milled about on the field, chatting here and there. Unlike the talking heads, the fans had remained calm throughout both outages, but mysteriously, when the lights came back up, and the network cameras could "see" again, those little orange flares disappeared. Go figure.
I sure am glad all the initial hype turned out to be false. San Francisco's a really cool town, and I highly recommend it to visit. (Sign up early for the Alcatraz tour, and spend the extra few bucks for the headphones -- it's a memorable experience). But there's a couple other things of even more importance.
Vancouver was spared.
(It's OK Jon. You can come out of the locker room now)
And the most obvious thing all the 4-letter network talking heads missed while the lights were going on and off in that stadium?
Maybe it's called Candlestick Park for a reason. Doh.
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