A massive right-wing conspiracy

Tiger Woods is leading another golf tournament after the first two rounds. Nothing new there. Eldrick's done that several times in the last few years -- only to blow up like the Hindenberg on the weekend. With apologies to George H. W. Bush, our former prez, perhaps this time Tiger can "stay the course". Then again, maybe he'll have "a thousand points of light" go off in his head in the last couple rounds, where the ghosts of Elin past, competition present, and major titles future pay him an eerie nighttime visit that rattles around in his mind. Or maybe that last part should be attributed to someone else. The Dickens you say.

Per usual, we're getting bombarded with Tiger highlights. All the while, Phil Mickelson, certainly a world famous golfer in his own right, and very much in the hunt in this particular tournament, again is relegated to "back-up" status. Obviously, blatant discrimination has reared it's ugly head once again.

Before you jump to any conclusions, be advised that race and/or skin color has nothing to do with it. Nor does gender or any other ethnic flavor come into play. No, a far more insidious plot has been afoot for some time.

It's lefthanders. Southpaws. The world is obviously biased against them. Consider President Obama. He's a lefty, and no matter what he says or does -- he'll get ripped for it -- by the righties. When's the last time you saw a left-handed throwing catcher in major league baseball? You haven't. The bases are still the same, and these days batters are about 50/50 from which side of the plate they swing from, and we also see a slew of left-handed pitchers. So how come not a single southpaw catcher?

History is chock full of famous left-handers. Bill Gates made a few bucks. Mark Twain wrote some stuff. JFK, Ford, Reagan, and Clinton hunched their pens over when they signed things. Masters such as Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Picasso, and Mozart, along with such notables as Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Churchill, and Einstein all had a dominant "other hand".

Given the above, one would think southpaws should be held in high esteem. Alas, there were a few bad apples that have dragged their reputation down. Like Billy the Kid, Jack the Ripper, the Boston Strangler, and horrors, a certain editor that I hope never gets around to reading this.

If you think about it, the bias against southpaws is everywhere in our lives. Ever hear of a deodorant called "Left Guard"? Shouldn't that armpit matter too? When someone wants something immediately, they'll say, "right now", but never "left now". In geometry, there's right angles, but not left angles. In boxing, we've heard of a "right cross", but never a "left cross".

There's even a drug store chain called Rite-Aid. But the last time I was in one, I was "left" twiddling my thumbs at the counter waiting for a cashier to show up. That didn't seem right. Perhaps I should have left.

This can get confusing at times.....