As Jay Leno winds down his tenure on the Tonight Show, to be replaced with Jimmy Fallon (boo, hiss), he showed some highlights of his "Jaywalking" routine, where he goes out and asks fairly simple questions of the "average" person on the street.
Approaching some black dude, he inquired, "If your wife wanted to go to Bangkok for a while, where would she be?"
Straight face and all, the guy responded, "She better have her ass home with me".
Great stuff. Yep, I'm sure gonna miss Leno. But with all the millions of bucks he accumulated over the years, not to mention the two entire hangars required at a California airport to house all his fully restored, functional, and in mint condition classic cars and motorcycles, he's pretty well good to go.
Maybe not so much for Detroit sports. About the only thing they can really hang their hats on these days is the Detroit Tigers. And, at that, they haven't won a World Series since 1984. Losing in the semis or finals along the way doesn't count. Now they have a new rookie manager, one Brad Ausmus, and have supposedly upgraded their roster through various deals. But just last year, the Detroit faithful crowed about how they had the best starting pitching staff in baseball and a regular murderer's row line-up. They got spanked by the Red Sox in the playoffs. On the 30th anniversary of their last triumph, will the Tigers finally get over the hump this year -- rookie skipper and all? We'll see.
There will be no glory for the Detroit Pistons. The only reason they're remotely relevant is because they play in the woefully weak Eastern Conference of the NBA. And let's get real. There's only two good teams in that entire conference. Miami and Indiana. Even if the Pistons somehow miraculously slip into the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed, they'd only be cows headed to the slaughterhouse once the playoffs started.
The Red Wings aren't much better. Sure, they've made the playoffs 21 years in a row -- a record in all of professional sports. Very impressive. Yet this year, they're struggling mightily just to keep their heads above water. Like the Pistons, the Wings may or may not back into the playoffs due to the weak conference they currently find themselves in -- but no way are they serious contenders to go very far. Too many other teams are a lot better. Idle thought: How can a city that is bankrupt and wallowing in billions of dollars of debt, be seriously considering building a new arena for the Red Wings, when there's not a damn thing wrong with the old one?
And the Detroit Lions? Well, they're the Lions. To much fanfare, they've hired a new head coach, one Jim Caldwell. Problem is, Caldwell's had great success -- when he's riding on the coattails of another guy that's in charge (see Tony Dunge). When given the chance to be the boss himself, Caldwell's teams have slowly but surely taken a nosedive. Worse yet, Caldwell has retained many coaches of former Lions' field general Jim Schwartz -- merely the losingest coach in the entire NFL during his five year reign of ineptitude. On top of that, Caldwell has brought in a few guys that were riding HIS coattails during his losing seasons, or were his buddies from the good old days, and given THEM high profile jobs. So the Lions replaced a loser with another loser, who's dragging along even more losers. If this is a recipe for success, then obviously yours truly is missing something.
The Lions ever even sniffing the Super Bowl under this guy? Not a chance. In 4-5 years, he'll be gone too.
So it appears the Detroit Tigers are Motown's only hope for sports glory. Maybe they pull it off -- and maybe they don't. The Red Sox are still pretty good, not to mention whatever team comes out of that pesky National League for the Fall Classic.
But back to where I started. When chatting with some white girl, Leno asked, "What does BYOB mean when you're invited to a party?"
"I dunno".
Leno helped her out. "BYOB means bring your own ------"
"Bitch?"
Yep, I'm definitely going to miss that sort of stuff.
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