Saturday rants

Obviously, I've been too nice lately. Not only have a few, OMG, compliments come in from various sources, instead of the usual rip and tear stuff -- that dastardly editor I report to even offered me a free company shirt. And in my world, all this just won't do. Anything less than constant mayhem and strife, and yours truly doesn't know how to act. So it's time to get busy doing a little ripping and tearing again of my own.

Carmelo Anthony of the NY Knicks just scored 62 points in a game. A record at Madison Square Garden. Longtime court-side Knick fan Spike Lee was ranting and raving about Carmelo this, and Knicks that. Yeah? Well, I used to have a yappy little black chihuahua named Spike myself. Though he's been buried behind the shed for over 10 years now, I suspect even he can still sense the Knicks are terrible. That overpaid clown act is about as close to being contenders as my late little boy was to pulling the winning sled in the Iditerod. Methinks the two-legged Spike needs to shut up about NBA basketball and go back to making B movies about stuff in the 'hood.

Uh oh. Justin Bieber got busted. Drunk driving, drag racing, resisting arrest, admitted having smoked pot and taking prescription drugs. Yep, the Bieb's a regular gangsta now. Right. Or perhaps Jay Leno put it best another way -- the weenie in the Lamborghini.

Here we go again dept. The Farmers Insurance golf tourney got underway in California. See Tiger Woods a whopping 8 strokes back after the first round. See Tiger drop yet another stroke in the second round. See Tiger tied for 50th place and barely making the cut. Alas, guess who's name dominated the golf reporting? What is it with this guy and how bad does he have to play before the reporters will stop with their hero worship? 49 guys ahead of him and Eldrick is still the headliner, getting all the ink and sound bytes? Please.

Interesting to note the concerns over the possibility of "black widows" wreaking havoc at the winter Olympic games in Sochi, Russia, which are due to start in under two weeks. Evidently, the powers that be are beating the bushes trying to locate these women if indeed they first exist, and are "in country", much less intent on mayhem. Nobody seems to know for sure. But all the intelligence services are looking in the wrong places. They need only get in contact with my ex. She could give them a world of information on profiling the black widow mind set, and what they're likely to do next. Seems simple enough and, come to think of it, nobody's seen her around for a while. Hmmm.

And on the eve of the Pro Bowl, Detroit Lions' defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh has fired his agents. Speaking of clown acts -- but more on that next time.