While watching the Monday night football game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Steelers, your truly was reminded once again of something that I've always found distasteful -- if not downright pathetic. That would be the announcers continuing to spout their never-ending Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm rhetoric, rather than telling it like it is.
To be sure, former coach and current announcer Jon Gruden likely knows as much or more about professional football than anybody else on the planet. This guy can rattle off the Xs and Os of any offensive or defensive formation, how it's supposed to work, what it's likely to accomplish on any given play, and most times -- he's right on. The man knows what he's talking about. Also likely is Gruden probably "dumbs it down" some so we average football couch taters can understand what's really going on. Maybe we do, and maybe we don't, but it's nice to THINK we do.
The world of TV sports talking heads has exploded in the last decade or so. They're everywhere. Yet before any of these guys/gals actually gets on the air "live" with a microphone, they're sent off to what might best be called "announcer school". In a crash course, future stat-crazed yappy heads are taught a variety of things. A few dos, many more don'ts, how to project themselves in front of a camera, and likely much more about smaller things. Plus they probably learn a thing or three about the world of cosmetics. Making oneself sound and appear believable are good things. Getting caught on camera picking one's nose or furiously scratching one's crotch for whatever reason are no doubt frowned upon.
But it seems they're also taught something else. Thou shalt always sugarcoat and shamelessly hype any action by any player, no matter the reality of what everybody else is also seeing. A few cases in point from Gruden and his sidekick....
Gruden said, "I don't care what anybody says. This Pittsburgh secondary is the best".
(Right Jon. Until you get to your next broadcast, and then one of THOSE teams will likely feature the best.)
After watching a quarterback throw a pass that wasn't within 10 yards of his intended receiver, "It appears the QB and his receivers aren't quite on the same page".
(Baloney. What he should have said is -- These guys are professionals and get paid a lot of money. They've had Organized Team Activities (OTAs), countless practices, scrimmages, team meetings, film study, exhibition games, and even more practices with hundreds of repetitions to get it right. And now, between the QB and receiver, at least one of them can't remember what play was called in the huddle 15 seconds ago? How stupid ARE these guys?)
Gruden and Co. marveled at how Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger was so hard to tackle. "He's like trying to sack an oak tree", they said.
(Well gee, guys. We're not exactly talking a little runt like Drew Brees here. Big Ben stands about 6-6 and goes maybe 260. Very big linebacker or tight end sized, perhaps even a defensive end. Doesn't it make sense he'd be a little harder to bring down than a guy that's 5-10 and a buck ninety wringing wet? Hello?)
On an offsides penalty, the announcers said it was a close call.
(Horsepuckey. Even my grandma could have seen that guy jumped just before the ball was snapped. And she's been dead for 30 years).
The Cincinnati QB tried the "hard count" a few times in attempts to draw the Steelers offsides. Problem was, his own offensive linemen were false-starting. Gruden said that wasn't working out well and maybe they should try something different.
(See explanation above about QBs and receivers being on the same page. 'Nuff said.)
I love football and like to think I know a lot about it. Again, maybe I do, and maybe I don't.
But I don't think it's asking too much for the announcers to get real and tell it like it is. Especially when some things are so obvious. Even yours truly knows the difference between a two and three point field goal -- or was that basketball? Whatever. Close enough.
But spare me the Pollyannas with their constant sickening syrupy rhetoric. Nobody's ever wrong or makes a bone-headed play. They're just temporary a little out of the mainstream but can surely be coached up.
(Please)
If I want to hear that sort of politically correct non-speak, I'll tune into something else. Namely....
And on the eighth day, God created politicians.
(Boo, hiss -- and talk about personal fouls......)
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