One Eric Talmadge of the Associated Press recently penned a very interesting article regarding Dennis (The Worm) Rodman's latest foray into North Korea -- the land ruled by his pal Kim Jong Un. For purposes of the following, yours truly freely admits he's going to "borrow" a lot of ET's work to make his own points. Having copped to that, I can now swipe away without worrying about my own Supreme Ruler -- sometimes called an editor -- sending me off somewhere to be summarily executed for the capital crime of plagiarism. Or worse yet, having to buy him another lunch. At any rate -- onward.
Apparently, Rodman is currently in Pyongyang holding tryouts amongst a couple dozen of the local yokels that aspire to be accomplished basketball players. He needs to whip a gang of 12 into serious game shape quick. Why? Because behind the scenes the Worm has also been trying to convince a dozen so far nameless NBA vets to show up for an exhibition (in soccer it would be called a "friendly") game in North Korea to take on his "crash-course" squad. This is supposed to happen on Jan 8, merely 3 weeks away.
Not surprisingly, given certain recent turns of events, it appears some of Rodman's NBA pals are a little hesitant to travel to such a country. Yet they likely need not worry. The Harlem Globetrotters went over there with the Worm less than a year ago, and they were all just fine. I mean, c'mon. Even the most tyrannical and ruthless of editors, oops, correction, heads of state aren't beyond a little diplomacy and good will once in a while.
But perhaps Talmadge should have looked a little deeper into just how all this might well play out. Photos can be deceiving, but the one that accompanied his AP article seemed to be telling. Rodman is 6'7". Pictured amongst his future North Korean hopefuls, he appeared to be a head taller than most of those guys. If so, it doesn't matter if every last one of them is the reincarnation of Steve Nash and John Stockton in their primes, or the present Chris Paul. How do you think they're going to fare going up against a bunch of NBA guys, many of which would likely be even taller than Rodman?
And by "NBA vets", just what are Rodman and Talmadge referring to? Surely not active players that have been in the league for a few years. Last time I looked, three weeks from now the NBA teams will still be in full swing with their schedules. No way could guys skip out for an exhibition game on another continent. And even if they could -- can you imagine how they would demolish a rag-tag team of amateurs thrown together in 3 weeks? They might beat them by 100 points. 200. 500. Whatever they wanted to.
Or maybe by "NBA vets" we're talking more like a group of retired guys. Even at that, a team of geezers like Bird, Magic, Jordan, Barkley, Abdul-Jabbar, etc, could probably win such a game by 70-80 points while yukking it up from the opening tip to the final buzzer.
No matter who Rodman may or may not convince from the NBA ranks to go over there -- if it happens -- it's going to be a major mismatch. Figuratively and literally, it would be (big) men against (little) boys. That is, of course, unless the fix was in beforehand, and the NBAers were somehow convinced to "play down" to their competition. And that would be WAY down. Like from the peak of Mt. Everest to the bottom of the Marianas Trench down.
So let's consider the various possibilities.
1) Due to security concerns, the game never happens.
2) The game goes off, but the NBAers, in true Globetrotter spirit, allow the score to remain close throughout, while acting as good will ambassadors of the game. Would they actually let the Koreans win? Probably not. The Washington Generals didn't have such a good record against that Harlem bunch either. But here's the thing.... Even if his team were being played for patsies, would Kim Jong Un even know the difference? Hey, as long as the score was close, he'd be happy. We're almost right there with the big boys, he would likely think. There continues to be hope. Sort of like the Detroit Lions every year since the Eisenhower administration, but that's a story for another day.
3) An NBA squad goes over there, plays hard, and beats the Pyongyang bunch by a 500 or so. Kim would likely not approve.
And THAT would be when security concerns would rightfully kick in. Though Rodman might currently be over there in a pink shirt puffing away on a big fat cigar while trying to fast-track a couple dozen of his buddy Kim's loyal countrymen into being competent hoopsters -- if it turns out Kim decides he played them as fools which are then held up to international embarrassment -- then Rodman's plans for a June rematch are probably the least of his worries.
Like the old saying goes -- It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature or editors. Either can dispatch a lightning bolt on thy head whenever they feel like it. But it's REALLY risky to befriend a dictator, only to then have him perceive you betrayed him and were mocking him all along.
If Rodman convinces enough "NBA vets" into playing the Jan. 8 game, he might be well advised to give them a serious locker-room pep talk before they actually take the floor. Something like --
Hey, my brothers -- don't be afraid man, it's all love, it's all love here. We're in this country to have a good time. Kim might have a bad rep back in the States, but's he's a solid dude. But do what you gotta do to keep the game close, OK? If you go out there and run those goofy little runts out of the building like I know you can -- well -- even my BFF out their in the luxury box can get a little touchy about such things. Something about certain people being slam-dunked for life into hard labor camps, never to be heard from again. We wouldn't want that, right? And I much prefer being the Worm, as opposed to what North Korean worms feed on under the ground. Did I mention Kim has these little mood swings once in a while? Hear about what he did to his own uncle? The man has his serious side too. So you know where I'm coming from? Let's play the game and have fun. No pressure.
Ah yes, it's always heart-warming when those of vastly different nations, peoples, traditions, and political views can set such things aside to join hands in the world of sports for the overall good of mankind.
Kind of gets you right -- urp -- there, ya know?
How will we know this is going to work out in the long run?
When we see Kim with a few tats and piercings. Pretty sure the Worm could fix him up........
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