The Detroit Lions. Hah!

Idle thought: The Detroit Lions belong to the National Football League -- as in nation-wide -- as in all it's teams are located in the United States. The NFL's logo itself is red, white, and blue. See the Lions owned by the Ford family, they of the blue oval automotive giant. See the game played on Monday night at Ford Field in front of a national TV audience. After 30 minutes of action see the --- Toyota halftime show??  Excuse me, but am I the only one that thinks something is seriously wrong with this picture?

The Lions and their fans have boasted of their "talent" for the last few years, but yours truly still maintains most of it is, at best, wishful thinking -- and at worst being oblivious to the bigger picture.

Amongst other gaudy personal stats, see Calvin Megatron Johnson likely to become the first NFLer ever to rack up 5000 cumulative receiving yards in any 3 consecutive seasons. The dude is seemingly unstoppable. But see Calvin Johnson's history. While at Georgia Tech (2004-2006), his team not only never won squat, but was racked with various scandals. On to the Lions. Since 2007, the Lions' record is 36-74, for a winning % of about .327. Now the 327 was a mighty fine small block engine that Chevy manufactured in years past, but Johnson plays for the Fords, and losing roughly 2  out of every 3 games for the last 7 years isn't exactly impressive in a team sort of way, ya know?

See quarterback Matthew Stafford likely get his name into the record books as well with the 5000 yard passing seasons he's racking up. That's a whole bunch of airing it out, mostly because the Lions haven't had a running game and had no choice, but it hasn't equated to team success. Like Johnson, Stafford's a big-time career loser since he came to Detroit. There's no denying that. The win-loss record speaks for itself.

But back to the Baltimore/Detroit game. For all his brilliance at times -- see Calvin Johnson come down with a nasty case of the Pettigrew syndrome. Such symptoms entail a receiver having a perfectly thrown ball hit him right in the hands when they're wide open -- and then they drop it -- for no apparent reason.

It was almost eerily predictable. Baltimore didn't do anything special, although their place kicker nailing a 61 yard field goal toward the end of the game was fairly impressive. The Ravens never even scored a touchdown. Mostly, they just hung around, stayed within striking distance, and waited for Detroit to make mistakes. After all, the Lions had committed 12 turnovers during their last 4 games. Throw in the usual assortment of anticipated Lions' bone-head penalties, like jumping offsides on critical plays, and committing personal fouls, which continues to reflect a total lack of team discipline -- and yours truly has little doubt the Ravens hit the Motor City thinking they had a pretty good shot of walking away with a win. And so they did.

The most cruelly ironic part of it? In the waning seconds, the Lions still had a shot to pull it out. All they needed was a field goal of their own. But Matthew Stafford choked again under pressure, and horribly overthrew a pass. Right into the arms of -- guess who? The very same safety Matt Elam that the Detroit media had tried to use as fodder for daring to say he thought Calvin Johnson was a "little old". After the game, 22-year-old Elam strutted off the field. Poor Calvin, at the ripe old age of 28, had his head down and slowly trudged off. So who had the last laugh indeed?

Early Sunday morning, the Detroit Lions were in first place in the NFC north division on cruise control into the playoffs. A day and a half later, they currently find themselves in third, and in very real danger of missing the playoffs entirely. It might just be the Fords have noticed this -- but I wouldn't bet on that either. Maybe they'll tack on another 5 or 10 years to head coach Jim Schwartz's contract. Sounds like business as usual in the wacky world of the Lions.

Yours truly was the hardest of a hard core Lions fan for many many years. But when Barry Sanders walked back in the late 90s, certainly leaving umpteen million dollars on the table, and likely the all-time rushing record behind as well, because he didn't see the Lions being successful any year soon -- I walked with him. It turned out Barry was exactly right about that. Good enough for him -- good enough for me too. Barry still had his health and enough money in the bank to be comfortable for the rest of his life. I have a few bucks in the bank, but if I'd have continued my same rabid pursuit of the Lions for the last 15 years -- my filing for chapter something or other in bankruptcy court would be old news by now. It's kind of nice knowing I can still go to an ATM and get a few bucks once in a while. And hey, yours truly has been known to drink a beer here and there as well. What's the better deal? Catching a case on sale at the local CVS for $14.99 for 24 doses of the real stuff -- or driving all the way to Ford Field and spend more than that for two glasses of watered down swill -- only to watch a team I already know is ultimately destined to lose anyway?

Walking away from the Lions made sense to me back in the Clinton years, and I dare anyone to convince me it hasn't proven to be a prudent decision through Bush and Obama. I'm countless thousands of dollars ahead of where I would have been, had I not kicked the koolaid, not to mention avoiding all the hand-wringing and mental anguish the Lions continue to bring to their fans every year. Up, up, up goes the hype -- down, down, down comes the inevitable crash. It happens every year. One would think 50 years in a row would be convincing enough, but I guess not for some.

Nevertheless, to each their own. Yet some Lions fans might want to consider a famous poem that comes to mind. With apologies to Ernest Thayer----

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out.

 

No matter how many times one reads Thayer's classic verses of Casey at the Bat, like the Lions, the ending is always going to be the same. A downer. Trust me, life is a lot simpler and more fun once one learns to stop taking the puddy tats so seriously. Those clowns aren't going anywhere this year, or next year, or any year soon. Just kick back and enjoy the folly. Because c'mon. Down deep, even you remaining hard cores KNOW it's going to happen before the season is over. And saving a bunch of C-notes along the way, whether at the games themselves or paying 3-4 bucks a beer at a sports bar ain't such a bad idea either. If you just HAVE to watch them, do yourself a favor and watch it at home. But let there be no doubt. Though coaches and players have come and gone, IT'S THE SAME OLD LIONS.

Then you might find out there's more important things in life. Like CVS running a buy one-- get one thing on Stroh's ice cream. Stroh's ice cream is really good stuff. And the last time I was in that store, those $14.99 cases of brew were stacked up right across the aisle from the freezer.

Perfect. So I'll hit the ATM first and draw out a few Jacksons that I saved on the Lions, then go on a health food mission. A man has to have his priorities straight, you know.