Thing is, if you're at all familiar with my work and are reading this anyway -- you're obviously some sort of pagan or heathen with no regard for common decency, let alone the holiday spirit. Could it be that you still have a poster of Matt Millen on your wall? Or worse yet, a mural of Bieber twerking painted on your bedroom ceiling? Gadzooks!! Infidels. Off with your heads.
Nevertheless, Christmas is supposed to be about good will towards men, Title IX notwithstanding. So if you qualify for any of the above -- I'll let it slide -- for now. But don't think I won't be keeping an eye on you. Yeah, YOU. All that Big Brother government stuff you've heard about them listening to your phone calls, monitoring your emails, etc, etc? While perhaps a cause for concern, those folks remain career minor leaguers. Bet you didn't know even older computers have built-in cameras, and I can turn them on to watch you whenever I feel like it. So in the Christmas spirit, please replace the naughty with nice. I strongly suggest those of you that have this nasty little habit of logging on to this site while naked consider covering yourselves up a bit. While I appreciate the show in some cases, others are -- how do I say -- not so good. Did I mention gadzooks?
Certainly Christmas Eve can be a stressful time. The blessed children are all worked up anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus, and parents the world over know they're going to be rousted out of bed first thing in the morning, after having spent a long night doing what they had to do.
So here's a suggestion. Do it the American way. Give the brats a double dose of Ritalin or whatever other kiddie drugs you have handy, throw back a few shots of tequila yourselves, and to all a good night.
And one more thing. If you believe a certain commercial about Santa having a bad back -- remember to leave him out a couple pain pills. Considering the billions of homes old St. Nick will have visited during the night -- if he gobbles all those meds, he might well wind up as whacked out as yours truly. I could use a little help like that every once in a while.
No matter what, here's wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas.
May the force of the playoffs be with you. Perhaps even a couple game tickets in your stockings if you've been REALLY good.
Unless, of course, you happen to live in a town like Detroit or Cleveland. If that be the case, forget about the playoffs and save those pain killers for yourselves.
You're going to need them......
No comments:
Post a Comment