Some in the sports world have certainly been abuzz with the latest and not-so great news regarding Kobe Bryant. You know, the self-anointed Black Mamba. The honorable Mr. Bryant recently suffered a small fracture in his left knee. Nothing that requires surgery, but he's likely out for 6-10 weeks.
And OMG, the hand-wringing such a catastrophic occurence has brought about in certain quarters. Does this spell the beginning of the end for Kobe? Holy incoming nukes, and the sky is falling. It's Armageddon. Normally, this sort of panic stricken mania only occurs when something truly planet threatening might be in the works. Like, say, Tiger Woods being in danger of missing the cut at a major golf tournament. Could anything possibly be more scary than that? Hmm. I suppose there's always the remote possibility Anne Coulter and Rachel Maddow could team up to make a porno film that was mandatory viewing for everybody. Whoa. Talk about a nuclear winter. Shiver me timbers and forget the tequila. Pass the valium.
But back to Kobe. Perhaps a closer look is in order. Just how good is this guy anyway?
So far this season, the LA Lakers are 2-4 with Kobe, and 10-9 without him.
The Lakers score an average of 4 more points per game when Kobe does NOT play.
They give up an average of 3 more points per game when Kobe DOES play.
Yours truly is no math guru, but I think even my feeble mind can compute that combining those stats equates to roughly a 7 point swing per game. On average, it seems the Lakers as a team are considerably better without Kobe. Would anyone seriously doubt a seven point differential can and will make the difference in a lot of NBA games?
Yet they recently signed him to a whopping $48.5 million 2 year contract extension. Twenty four million dollars a year. Do a little more math. Combine the games he's already missed with likely being on the shelf for the next two months, and the Black Mamba might well be approaching a million bucks a game for those he actually plays in.
So -- if the Lakers are significantly statistically better without him across the board -- then one question.... have they gone totally mad out there in la-la-land shelling out another guaranteed $48 million to this guy?
Sure, like Tiger, Kobe's always been a media magnet. For whatever reasons, they can't get enough of them. Though neither of these guys will be qualifying for their AARP memberships anytime soon, there can be little doubt that while both are still capable of occasional flashes of brilliance -- they are also both on the back side of their bell curves in the world of sports. In other words, there's going to come a time in the not too distant future when all earthlings will have to accept that such heroes eventually fade away. Hey, as bad as that may seem, it still beats the hell out of being forced to watch the potential video mentioned above. It could be worse -- a lot worse. Did I mention scary? If it comes to that -- throw in a jug of moonshine and fire up the pipe.
Naturally, Kobe has publicly defended his latest contract. Well, what's he supposed to say? "Approaching 36, I'm almost geezer age in the NBA, a shell of the player I once was, injury prone, have ZERO chance of leading this team to another title, and they must have been crazy to give me all this money when the team plays better without me than with me?" Not likely. Kobe may be a lot of things, but he still knows how to play the media (including the social variety) game, and that translates into continued popularity amongst the gullible masses, whether he is, or ever was worthy of such hero worship or not.
Parting idle thought: Perhaps you've heard of Kobe beef. It's considered a delicacy in some parts of the world. It comes from the Tajima strain of wagyu cattle which is native to Hyogo Prefecture, Japan. Evidently, they're pretty picky over their as to what may be referred to as Kobe beef.
It must have been born and raised in Hyogo Prefecture.
It must have been fed in Hyogo Prefecture.
Only bulls are slaughtered for fine cuisine, and even they must have been castrated to purify the beef.
Kobe beef is even a registered trademark.
Now, I wouldn't know about all that Prefecture stuff. Give me a porterhouse smothered in onions and mushrooms, a bottle of A1 sauce, and you're looking at a happy camper. And who cares where it came from anyway?
Yet the Black Mamba might want to someday take note that he was, after all, named after a hunk of meat. Such is the way it goes in professional sports when players are deemed no longer productive by the powers that be.
But when the good Mr. Bryant finally gets put out to pasture, it is my fervent hope he doesn't take a trip to Hyogo Prefecture on a vacation.
Yes, he was a life-long Laker and never a Bull, but you never know about that language barrier thing. Just one little miscommunication between Kobe and the folks from the old country could lead to disaster. If Kobe thought a ruptured achilles and a fractured knee were painful and hard to get over, I'm thinking he really, REALLY doesn't want to find out what being castrated feels like.
Yep, much better to stay in LA with the sushi folks. Pays better too.
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